Excellent Hands

Search Me.

2012-01-24T07:54:00.000+03:00

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue, you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalms 139

He really is........

2012-01-20T16:43:00.000+03:00

God is good. He really is. He has been good to me. For the last few months, I felt like He had forsaken me. I faced many challenges; many trials….I lived in the dark of day. I put up face, said I was okay, smiled, took each day by my frail strength.

I felt deserted, yet I knew He never leaves me – God is good. I felt unloved, yet I knew His love never ends - He really is good. I felt forgotten, yet I knew He said, He’d never forget me – God is good. I felt tired, yet He gave strength to face each new day – He really is good. I stopped praying, yet He kept blessing me – God is good. I lost sight of my dreams, yet He kept telling me – its not over – He has been good.

His goodness has been hidden from me while in the dark…as I came to light, I marveled at His presence while I was in the tunnel. The words of psalms 23 came true, “in the shadow of the valley of death, I will be with you”,…. His rod and staff have led me to light.

Am grateful, its been sooo dark….am glad….to see the light of life…to laugh again heartily, to dance to music, to sing along to favorite tunes, to be light again and have a spring to my step. To embrace the feeling of joy, the feeling of happiness, the feeling of being alive, being relevant….having a purpose, a goal to life…..to have hope again.

Thank you God – you are GOOD.

A Gassy Year !

2012-01-10T08:44:00.004+03:00

I stopped with a friend at a shopping mart, yesterday. Waiting beside the curb, as she made her purchase, I glanced but a second at some gas cylinders, and wondered what stories they bore from the different homes they'd served.

In some homes, the gas they bore was used up very fast....active homes, with lots of cooking & parties, families with many home cooked meals.....single households that entertained quite a bit.....interesting gas life they'd say...but soon, they'd run out and it was time to move on.....back to the station for a refill and to the next home....

Some homes, well, didn't cook so often....so it was a long stay....a very long stay...yeah!in some bachelor houses....a restful and welcome stay especially when transiting from an active house......

The cylinders had quite large archives of kitchen stories, warm stories, hearty stories, juicy hushed stories, sad stories, stories of coffee brewed late nights and early mornings.....secured stories....replicated stories.

The cylinders had graphic memories of sights of kitchen dramas, some mentionable...others, well......

All, in a gas cylinder's life!

...so... 2012, I'll be like the gas cylinder! hic :-)!

Wherever, I find myself, I will expend my energy and take in all that the environment will afford. When am out, I'll recharge...move on.....to my next assignment....and carry with me the sights and stories....that will make 2012. Easy is that!

Between a Hard Rock!

2011-12-17T15:02:00.002+03:00

Lord Help Me!

My White Frock

2011-11-15T09:33:00.001+03:00

Yesterday morning, you dressed me in a white, crisp - well pressed long flowing frock.....

I leaped into the day....clean...fresh.....

Through the day, I passed through different terrain

Some smooth, some rough,

Trimmed paths, overgrown paths

Green lawns, paddles here and there

I returned home, in the evening.....

Dressed in a crumbled long flowing muddled frock

Returned to you, not as clean and fresh

I had fallen....stained my garments

And wasn't smelling too good

I approached you embarrassed

If only I had watched my steps

more closely.....

Spoken more softly....

Been more patient....

Been stricter on my thoughts

Been more loving in treating those who shared my day...

If only I had been more selfless.....

My stains would not glare as much

You called me to your side

I was afraid of reproach

What happened? You asked...

I bowed and explained....

You pointed to Him...

Asked Him to give me a bath....

He changed my clothes too

I returned to you

In a white, crisp, well pressed long flowing frock

You lifted me into your bossom

And there comforted me to sleep

singing...

"There is a fountain filled with blood...

Drawn from Emmanuel's veins

And sinners plunge beneath that flood

and lose all their guilty stains".

And as I awoke this morning

you sent me out saying....

"My mercy is new every morning

Go out, and stain less!"

Still on the Yet.

2011-11-10T08:47:00.000+03:00

Psalms 43 : My read this morning, words that comfort my soul, a reminder that I will YET praise the Lord, for I have placed my hope in HIM, and my expectation shall not be cut out.

The Treasury of David Commentary that best expresses my heart.

Vs. 1 "Judge me, O God." Others are unable to understand my motives, and unwilling to give me a just verdict. My heart is clear as to its intent, and therefore I bring my case before thee, content that thou wilt impartially weigh my character, and right my wrongs. If thou wilt judge, thy acceptance of my conduct will be enough for me; I can laugh at human misrepresentation if my conscience knows that thou art on my side; thou art the only one I care for; and besides, thy verdict will not sleep, but thou wilt see practical justice done to thy slandered servant.

Vs. 2 "Thou art the God of my strength." All my strength belongs to thee - I will not, therefore, use it on my own behalf against my personal foes. All my strength comes from thee, I therefore seek help from thee, who art able to bestow it. All my strength is in thee. I leave therefore this task of combating my foes entirely in thy hands. Faith which leaves such things alone is wise faith.

Vs 3. "O send out thy light and thy truth." The joy of thy presence and the faithfulness of thy heart; let both of these be manifest to me. Reveal my true character by thy light, and reward me according to thy truthful promise. As the sun darts forth his beams, so does the Lord send forth his favour and his faithfulness towards all his people; and as all nature rejoices in the sunshine, even so the saints triumph in the manifestation of the love and fidelity of their God, which, like the golden sunbeam, lights up even the darkest surroundings with delightful splendour.

"Let them lead me." Be these my star to guide me to my rest. Be these my Alpine guides to conduct me over mountains and precipices to the abodes of grace. "Let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles." First in thy mercy bring me to thine earthly courts, and end my weary exile, and then in due time admit me to thy celestial palace above. We seek not light to sin by, nor truth to be exalted by it, but that they may become our practical guides to the nearest communion with God: only such light and truth as are sent us from God will do this, common light is not strong enough to show the road to heaven, nor will mere moral or physical truths assist to the holy hill; but the light of the Holy Spirit, and the truth as it is in Jesus, these are elevating, sanctifying, perfecting; and hence their virtue in leading us to the glorious presence of God.

Be Strong in the Lord

2011-11-07T09:19:00.000+03:00

Out of Debt

2011-10-05T09:34:00.001+03:00

I got into debt sometime last year, needed to make a certain good buy and since I didn't have enough money to cover the purchase price, I took out a loan at a hefty 19.25% pa rate.

Later, I calculated the amount of interest that would accrue over the debt period...and almost fell into depression! Too much for my liking! So I sought ways to make additional payments to reduce the debt period....but then recession hit and everything became mad expensive.

This so distrubed me, I brought it to God in prayer, and specifically prayed that He would help me pay the debt in a year's time instead of five years....through a pay raise! :-), well ....the pay raise did come but was absorbed by inflation :-(

May this year marked the close of the year period in which I had hoped to clear the debt....but nothing had changed! I had four more years to go and this issue escalated to one of my top three prayer items....and constantly asked God for mercy and provide a way out.....

This month, He has!!! Halleluya!!! A change in employment, means a handsome amount is coming my way....which is sufficient after God's 10%, to repay the debt in full....and hmmmh, leave a handy bonus!!!.

I am so grateful to God....only He knows what a relief this is to my mind! I hate debt....I flee from it....and many are the lessons I have learnt about debt in the last 19 months!

Lord, thank you, for your mercy and for "feeling me".....and taking this yoke away, a heavy yoke indeed....and for the intricate way in which work affairs have played out to make this possible.

Am am so very very thankful. The only debt I have now - is to love mankind.

My Soul Satisfier

2011-09-28T08:46:00.000+03:00

Yesterday...late afternoon, my soul was perturbed, I got news that sent me into panic. Circa half an hour later of churning this info, I decided...I wasn't checking myself into the fear cage and would instead stand boldly and position myself for victory.

At night in prayer, I confessed to God that though not fearful, I was anxious and restless... and poured my soul to Him....breaking down my sincere desires and expectations....for this situation.

He guided me into three blocks of scripture;

Psalms 63 :

"O God, you are my God,
      and I long for you.
   My whole being desires you;
      like a dry, worn-out, and waterless land,
      my soul is thirsty for you.
² Let me see you in the sanctuary;
      let me see how mighty and glorious you are.
³ Your constant love is better than life itself,
      and so I will praise you.
⁴ I will give you thanks as long as I live;
      I will raise my hands to you in prayer.
⁵ My soul will feast and be satisfied,
      and I will sing glad songs of praise to you".

The words, "my soul will feast and be satisfied"....gave me assurance that the thirst that I have to see God's power at work in my life....will be quenched....and my needs will be met.

Psalms 91:

"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety,
      whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty,
² can say to him,
      You are my defender and protector.
      You are my God; in you I trust.
³ He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers
      and from all deadly diseases.
⁴ He will cover you with his wings;
      you will be safe in his care;
      his faithfulness will protect and defend you.
⁵ You need not fear any dangers at night
      or sudden attacks during the day
    ⁶ or the plagues that strike in the dark
      or the evils that kill in daylight".

The words in "bold" speak for themselves - was assured of God's protection!

Psalms 32 :

^"6 So all your loyal people should pray to you in times of need;
      when a great flood of trouble comes rushing in,
      it will not reach them.
⁷ You are my hiding place;
      you will save me from trouble.
   I sing aloud of your salvation,
      because you protect me".

This last passage took all my anxious thoughts away! I lay to sleep with the assurance that God has my back in times of need and He alone satisfies my soul.

This morning, I awoke to peace!

Thank You Lord.

Uncontainable

2011-09-19T08:12:00.000+03:00

You befit praise, Lord

Early in the morning, my thoughts are drawn to you

Thoughts of thanksgiving

For a wonderful weekend

I am amazed at you...in awe of you

For your ever presence, your ever consistency, your ever revelance in changing times

Your care, your guidance, your wisdom, your love

Your life breathed into me.

This is just to say, You are God

And words cannot contain you.

Joyous thanks........

2011-09-15T09:36:00.001+03:00

"A joyful heart

Is good medicine

But a broken spirit

Dries up the bones

A joyful heart

Is good medicine for you".

(Song based on Proverbs 17:22)

A joyful heart radiates from a grateful heart...and I choose to be joyful and grateful today :-)

"Its is good, it is good to give thanks to the Lord on high

To sing of your faithfulness and loving kindness both day and night

To play on our instruments sweet songs for the things you do

It is good, it is good to give to praise to You.

Why give Him praise....because He is worthy

Why should we sing.....He loves you and me

Why give Him thanks....because He forgave us

Why celebrate.....because we are free

And when should we thank Him....from morning till evening

In what circumstance....the good and the bad

Is it always easy...its not always easy

But it is good.....Yes it is good.... its is gooooooooood.......

Its is good, it is good to give thanks to You

Its is good, it is good to give thanks to the Lord on high".

(Song by Ron Kenoly)

I thank you Lord, for everything because......

"Every good thing I have done

Everything I've become

Everything that's turned out right

Is because you're in my life

And if I ever teach a child the way

Ever learn myself to change

Ever become who I want to be

Its not the I but the You in me"...

(Not the I but You in me - by Anointed)

Weary....

2011-09-05T15:27:00.000+03:00

There are days, days like today when I find life dull…like the grey skies staring back at me. My knees feel weak, my back curves in….my eyes lose their shine, my lips curve inwards. I sigh!

Some trials are just so depleting!

This is hard Lord …its really hard facing these same issues each day…..and my strength fails me……

When Lord, will you come? And bring my misery to an end? When will my night end and morning come? When will I celebrate? When will I find rest and lay these yokes aside?

In your strength, has been my ability to stand this far….from time to time, I slip and fall…..you dust me and help me up again and steady my steps….but how much longer do I need to walk…..when and where does the road end….how far is the ribbon I must cut through to my victory?

This is hard Lord, and I beseech you, take this suffering away……

In the Silence

2011-08-25T10:56:00.000+03:00

10,000 gold for 100 silver

2011-08-08T10:03:00.000+03:00

A parable is told in the bible about a certain servant - lets call him "Big O"... who owed a king a large sum of money - 10,000 bags of gold - a bag of gold was equivalent to 20 years of a day labourer's wages - so if we do the math, 1 bag of gold = 365 multiplied by 20 years = 7300 days wage, if we multiply that with 10,000 bags = 73,000,000 days wage of debt (sigh! big big sigh here!!!). The king summoned "Big O"...and asked for his money back....."Big O" fell on his knees and begged the King for mercy and patience...promising he would back everything...the King was overcome with mercy and wrote off his debt! for real....cancelled all the damn zero's!!!!....and numbers before!!!....and let him go - all ye banks if only you could be as merciful....!!!

"Big O"....(big big relieve and joy here!! add a shout, dance and glee!!).....leaves the king's presence and meets his servant, lets call him "small o" who owes him 100 silver coins -which is the equivalent of 100 days wage of debt. (Mathematicians can by this, figure out that the daily wage was 1 silver coin). "Big O" demands his money from "small o"...but "small o"...pleads for mercy and patience and asks for time and he will repay the debt in full....but nooooooooooooo!!! "Big O" could not hear of it, choked the poor fellow and threw him into prison until he repayed his debt. (how sad!!)

For the longest while....well until yesterday....I totally disliked "Big O"...and thought what wicked a man he was...I mean, seriously...how crude and merciless could he have been...(eerie drums)....until the stage light was shone on me...and I realised I was busy removing a speck in "Big O's" eye when I had a log in mine....

The baseline in this parable is the issue of forgiveness...Big O was forgiven much but he did not forgive little.

I am a receipient of God's grace, He has forgiven me much....so so much....the debt I owed Him from my sinful life...I could not repay...it was in inumerable zeros......like "Big O"....my debt was cancelled in full...God forgave me when I confessed my sins and Jesus washed me by His blood...and...I am free!!

But..........down the road, I often meet family, friends and even strangers who wrong me.....and owe me.....and what am I often guilty of doing???? strangling them...choking them....(ok..not physically)....but I give them the silent treatment, others I threaten them with withdrawal of what they need....hold grudges....in short, I hit back....and for what??? 100 pieces of silver when ave been forgiven 10000 bags of gold???!!!

Yesterday, I learnt a big lesson.........God has forgiven me all my sins....why can't I forgive the ones who have wronged me and owe me little??? I am not sweating the small stuff no more.....the sad thing about this parable is that, fellow servants that worked with "Big O"...got to see how he treated "small o" and reported the matter to the King....The king was furious with "Big O"...and o - o - oh - OH.....he threw "Big O" into jail to be tortured until he had paid the 10000 bags of gold....in short, got a life sentence because 73,000,000 days of wage...means even in death, you still in debt until you are dust again!!!

Lingering in unforgiveness is serving time in jail....self imposed jail....many of us are walking with cancers in our souls because we have been merciless and refused to forgive little.

Is this you? Let it go - forgive, its never worth it. We shouldn't have to sell your dust.

Reference : Matthew 18 : 21 - 35

Strong Deliverer

2011-08-04T08:31:00.003+03:00

Guide me O Thou great Jehovah, pilgrim thro' this barren land;
I am weak, but Thou are mighty, hold me with Thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more,
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain, whence the healing waters flow;
let the fiery, cloudy pillar lead me all my journey thro';
Strong Deliverer, be Thou still my strength and shield,
Strong Deliverer, be Thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan, bid, my anxious fears subside;
bear me thro' the swelling current, land me safe on Canaan's side;
songs of praises I will ever give to Thee;
songs of praises I will ever give to Thee.

In Christ Alone

2011-07-28T08:42:00.000+03:00

(On bended knees) - thankyou Jesus, for all you've been and continually are....and for reminding me this morning of my place in you ((hugs)).

Deep Calls unto Deep

2011-07-27T15:03:00.004+03:00

I have always wanted to bring meaning to "deep calls unto deep"...David in Psalms 42 in a low mood wrote;

"6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me."

My daily devotion broke light.......

“They saw the works of the Lord, His wonderful deeds in the deep”
(Psalm 107:24, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria Osteen

The scripture says is Psalm 107:23, “They that go down to the sea and do business in deep waters, they will see the wonders of God.” Friend, you and I were created to do business in deep waters. In other words, we’re not supposed to have little dreams or little plans. We are supposed to have big dreams. We are supposed to go out into the deep things God has for us. But understand, when you’re out there in the deep waters, you can’t touch the ground. You can’t see the shoreline, and at times, it can get a little rocky. You may not always see how things are going to work out. But, the scripture tells us that deep calls to deep. In other words, God is the one who has called you to the deep waters. He is with you, and He knows there are deep things on the inside of you. When you are in those deep waters, you are not alone. God is with you, and He’s causing those deep things inside of you to come forth.

If you feel like you are out in the deep today, if you feel like you are overwhelmed, remember, you are in the right place and God is with you. You will see His wonderful deeds in the deep, and you will fulfill the destiny He has in store for you.

Never would have....

2011-07-18T09:53:00.001+03:00

On the Fourth

2011-07-14T10:11:00.002+03:00

This morning as I took a shower, I thought about the story of Lazarus, he was sick and his sisters sent a message to Jesus to come - their hope that He would heal their brother - but Jesus was four days late.....

There is a dream I have had for quite a while now, had hoped to achieve it in the last four years but nothing has come of it....Today I re- raised the "lateness" concern with God and was reminded of 2nd Peter 3:8 , "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."

Four years look like a lifetime to me...but to God, its really not a big deal.....when I apply the later part of that verse.

See, Jesus had healed others before Lazarus, it was a power that was already known....but why did he come even after he was told Lazarus had died - been embalmed - decomposing?! I suggest that Jesus wanted to reveal to us the profound power in God to call dead things to life. And He did, Jesus called Lazarus out of the dead and into life and restore him to his sisters!!

This breathed hope into my four year dead dream....

On arrival at work, I read Psalms 92,...verse 14 stuck out like a sore thumb! ..assured me that my aged dreams will come to fruition and my energies will be up to speed - the key though - righteousness - verse 12.

My cheer : God is able to breathe life into your/my defragmented, decomposing, embalmed, dead dreams and these are able to bear fruit even in your/my "old age"....as long as we/I continually seek to be in right standing with God.

Psalm 92

A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day.

1 It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
2 proclaiming your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
3 to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
4 For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD;
I sing for joy at what your hands have done.
5 How great are your works, LORD,
how profound your thoughts!
6 Senseless people do not know,
fools do not understand,
7 that though the wicked spring up like grass
and all evildoers flourish,
they will be destroyed forever.
8 But you, LORD, are forever exalted.
9 For surely your enemies, LORD,
surely your enemies will perish;
all evildoers will be scattered.
10 You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox;
fine oils have been poured on me.
11 My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries;
my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes.
12 The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
13 planted in the house of the LORD,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,
15 proclaiming, “The LORD is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”

My chains are gone

2011-07-11T08:09:00.001+03:00

I listen to this every morning at 6am - my alarm tone. Reminds me every morning what a wonderful gift God gives us each morning we find life....the chance to know His love for us, love expressed through Jesus, who came and set us free from the bondage of sin.

Today - I rejoice that my chains are gone - I have been set free, my God and Saviour has ransomed me - and its great to be alive!

Love...Faith...Hope....

2011-06-30T16:07:00.000+03:00

“ This is a song …ta rat a ra

This is a song um uhm um

About the love of the Lord to me…

Agape Ooooh Lord agape…

Agape…agape….agape….”

…the above, a song written back in my campus days by a friend called Makusa and his friend OJ….we were part of a group called Campus Effect that held yearly drama concerts to spread the love of Christ… this morning…the third line is on auto play on my mind stereo…… reminds me of;

Jeremiah 31: 3 – God says:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Yesterday evening, the nursery rhyme…

“…Don’t be a doubting Thomas…

just lean upon His promise…

why worry, why worry …

when you can praaayyyyy”

was last on mind playlist….before calling it a day…..slept with these words;

Philippians 4:6-7

^“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Just glanced at my monitor board….there is this yellow stick- it with this song…

“I know I can do all things

I can do all things through Christ

With the power of God and the word of life

I can do all things

I can do all things through Christ”

Philippians 4: 12 – 13

¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Receive God’s Love today,

Have Faith that He has good plans for your life

and keep your Hope alive for a better future

– the greatest of these is Love.

These Shadows, Lord.......

2011-06-17T09:57:00.000+03:00

Lord - I so need you to fight aganist the enemies of my mind, my heart and body. I have trusted in you since my youth to the point of lunacy...and there was a time - I kept falling by your word that said - I would not suffer shame...I held onto it....am now surrounded by shadows that mock me.....and ask me "where is your God?"...and I find myself asking..."Where are you my God?"....Blast your light on these vipers and vanguish them - am so terrorised Lord - aka, please....Arise and SAVE ME!

Meanwhile - this song is my prayer.

With this day....

2011-06-06T09:17:00.003+03:00

There are many things I'd say....or have already said since the day began...here is a little more..., Lord. Thank you for my life - it all begins here...another day to wait and see what you have in store. It must be real hard work to plan each day for every person on earth....given that, everyone awakes to the hope that each new day would bring good stuff with it.....me included. I am looking out of the window...and the sky is all grey....the trees are so still....there is a cold breeze swaying my window flutters, cars driving in and out....a man wearing his overalls........monday....stillness....I hear the hum of the generator, the unco-ordinated chirps of birds...maybe a glad song for the gift of an early worm.....so, Lord I wonder, beyond the greyness and the silence of this morning, what will mid - morning bring me? what will noon announce ? what will afternoon display ? evening - rejoice in? and night- be thankful for?

I have but one plea - let this be the day you open the floodgates of heaven and pour out your blessings on those whose hearts have reallly really waited on you....who are looking to this day with eagerness and hope that this will be their day of breakthrough. Include me here. Amen.

I am thankful....

2011-05-27T13:44:00.002+03:00

...for words.....am fascinated by them....and the things you can do with them.

for music...and how different genres invade different sections of my mind provoking different thrills.

....for books...they allow me to have a fling with each I read.

for fruits....bread, chocolate and bananas.....am eternally grateful God - you know how these rub me.

...for laughter ..the good belly one....on private humor - which only my mind gets.

for sleep....especially when my mind is cognizant that its asleep!.

....for eyes...once in a while, mine have the power to penetrate facades.

for silence....and the number of voices that became audible in stillness.

...for stars....on a dark country side sky...I forget about earth.

For Jesus - my fierce-est influence!.

Seventy Years.........

2011-05-23T09:59:00.004+03:00

On Saturday, I got the grand opportunity to attend a christian youth meeting organized by a close friend of mine who has a deep calling to share Christ with the younger generation.

The room's capacity was probably a mere 50pax ....but it must have held 60+ pax....and tho' a bit squoooshed the room was vibrant...lots of electric energy...flowing from the youth who were on a Christ high. There is just an awesomeness when youngsters praise God and are so expectant to hear from God...the atmosphere was so ridden with slice-able hope and faith!!.... My pal spoke from the below passage...and here is my take home (in brackets).

Jeremiah 29 : 4-6 “The Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those people whom he allowed Nebuchadnezzar to take away as prisoners from Jerusalem to Babylonia. Build houses and settle down. Plant gardens and eat what you grow in them. Marry and have children. Then let your children get married, so that they also may have children. You must increase in numbers and not decrease.( My life should continually be on the increase even in times of hardship - growing in the spiritual, physical, social arenas etc etc)

vs 7; Work for the good of the cities where I have made you go as prisoners. Pray to me on their behalf, because if they are prosperous, you will be prosperous too. (for my workplace).

vs 8-9; I, the Lord, the God of Israel, warn you not to let yourselves be deceived by the prophets who live among you or by any others who claim they can predict the future. Do not pay any attention to their dreams. They are telling you lies in my name. I did not send them. I, the Lord Almighty, have spoken.’ (Enough said)

vs 10 -14 ; “The Lord says, ‘When Babylonia's seventy years are over, I will show my concern for you and keep my promise to bring you back home. (words that stood out - when 70 years are over!! that called for major perseverance on the Israelis part!)

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. ( For a person who likes organization, its really grand to know my life was forethought and fore-planned...am not aimlessly trudging along this earth - that the very desires that shape my decisions, my life,.. were inbuilt at conception and am mapped!)

Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart. (all of my heart - this is an attitude I so so desire to have)

Yes, I say, you will find me, and I will restore you to your land. I will gather you from every country and from every place to which I have scattered you, and I will bring you back to the land from which I had sent you away into exile. I, the Lord, have spoken."

For Yet....

2011-04-29T14:23:00.000+03:00

Lord, you befit praise.

You and praise go hand in hand

For you are good beyond measure

And for such, words fall short

This day I have known you

To be God who listens,

And God who answers,

God who sees and God who knows

Today I have known you to be God who’s apt to reply

I have known what it is to receive from you while still asking

I have known that you are in touch with reality, you know exactly where am at.

You have affirmed my heart with these words,

“Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”

Before the yet, and in the now;

I praise you!

With all I am, I PRAISE AND THANK YOU!.

I heard….

2011-04-11T13:47:00.000+03:00

In response to Of Prayer, Sea and Quietness

I heard God…heard Him on radio….in songs that played…songs that played while my mind questioned certain occurrences, and in them lay words, words that broke my thoughts.

I heard God….heard Him as I watched the movie, “Conversations with God”….for in it two things were said….one, if God were to fit in 5 words, they would be, “You got me all wrong”! And I sure had gotten God wrong on His silence…..two, “ If you ever have a question for God, its answer will be found in asking yourself, “what would love do?”, and therein God will always be found.

I heard God….heard God as I held a baby, deserted by his mother at birth…a boy so handsome, so still and calm in my arms….a woman dear to my heart, had opened her home and heart and had nurtured him from minutes old to his now five months. I heard God ask, “Can a mother desert the baby on her breast? And even if she does, I will not desert you….” (Isaiah 49:15)

I heard God…heard Him in the synchronized heartbeats of my friends, hearts that drummed in tune with God’s heart as we spent time with those whom He cares for deeply.

I heard God….heard God as I looked into the eyes of a 5 year old…a boy who gripped my heart the very first time I saw him….I heard God as I hugged him and stroked his neck…telling him what a beautiful child he was….and him taking in those words and smiling in a way that brought sunshine into my heart….!

I heard God….heard God as I hugged him…him who tags my heart…. because of the wonder of the timeliness of some conversations with him…..the unconscious smiles….the way I miss him sometimes…I heard God smile in a hug…

I heard God as I listened to the lady in my previous post….a lady who like Paul had learnt how to be content in God’s purpose for her life. That whether life happened her way or not….she’d keep on God’s path. I heard God say, “Stay on the path”.

I heard God…through His word…say that my salvation and honor depend on Him….that my soul should depend on Him….for everything…I heard this, more than once….

I heard God say that He is never removed from me….I just got Him wrong….He never gives the silent treatment….and when He said, “when you search for me….you will find me,”…He meant it.

I heard from God.

I will wait for you

2011-04-08T08:16:00.000+03:00

Of Prayer, Sea and Quietness

2011-04-04T08:44:00.000+03:00

My pastor referring to Daniel praying towards Jerusalem explained that facing Jerusalem should be symbolism of facing the memoirs of God’s faithfulness in the past so that our attitude is that of approaching a God who is able and willing to help in whatever we are presenting to Him. This post hopefully, will serve one day, as the window through which my faith will be lifted to God in prayer, as a memoir.

He (the pastor) at the end of the service called for an altar call for those who’d like to “up” their prayer life, I walked to the altar and lifted my hands to God. Isaiah 40 is the prayer I muttered for I found myself a youth who’d grown weary and faint, and God had promised to renew such as me….

See, as the pastor was preaching, a picture of my current prayer life came to mind….it likened to the sea....... saying my prayers, sometimes, is smooth and the aftermath - refreshing as a calm sea….other times, I feel like am caught up in high tides and between furious waves…times when all I can say is…"Jesus, please calm these waves!". Times when my heart's uproar is so loud and I get overwhelmed by the swirl of needs around me.

Lately, both sea experiences have been followed by silence.

I fear when God gets silent, I really do….and He has been for quite a while now….on specific areas…and I've searched my mind over and over again to see where I may have gone wrong. One reason God goes silent is the presence of sin….strange, just last evening, I tuned to a Christian TV station and the MOG was preaching on this topic….and I thought, Lord is it my sin?...and like David prayed, search my heart Lord, and reveal my wicked ways….but nothing…I thought of Job, when God withdrew from him, he also tried to figure out how he may have wronged God…..and his friends convinced him he had sinned but Job could not see how he had erred! That’s where I am…am not saying am sinless, far from it…I do err.… but when I do, I always run in repentance and seek forgiveness at least each day if not many times in that day and I believe He forgives me and remembers it no more… By His grace, I try hard to live on the straight and narrow....

Why is God silent??

I do not understand this quietness and it so disturbs me.

Protection is really key in my relationship with God….Psalms 91 is my life scripture…so when my safety is compromised, my alert goes up! In this silence gap….I got into an accident, I was at fault….luckily the damage was minor….but I was alarmed….am a really cautious driver, how did I exit a junction without looking for oncoming traffic??! Where was my mind??! Then I remembered a conversation I had a few minutes prior with a friend…we had just left a church service and I had confessed to her that I had struggled coming to church because I knew who was preaching and I did not “feel” the preacher!

After the accident, I remembered the scripture where God warns us not to do any harm to his prophets and I wondered if this was “a warning against touching His anointed”...(my comment had the potential to affect my friend “feeling’ the preacher – tho’ I know she likes the preacher, * this was not my intention*)…and then over the weekend, my neighbor is carjacked and the reckless jacker rums into my car as he exits and my weekend is spent in the garage making repairs….and I can’t help thinking….Lord, why is the devil getting into my business??!! Interesting thing is, my mechanic discovered two unrelated anomalies …that would have presented big problems later…so this is where the scripture that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord…..applies - (((I tell ya! no matter what, God always wins..yeah!!)))

I wonder if there is any correlation between the accidents and the silence.......I wonder if am in a Job phase…where God has allowed the devil to rough my life….I wonder if God's silence, is because my ears have been stooped with sin.. and if so, where am I erring?....I wonder why you are quiet Lord…..How I pray that You would reassure me Your presence and show me the error of my ways and restore to me the joy of communion with You.

I long for You!

My pastor had a really thought provoking saying in his sermon: “Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare wheel?”

P.S – Lord, am also forgetting stuff that should otherwise be top priority – church events, studies, family and friend commitments….please help on this too…and thank you, its my Birthday today and am glad I've lived this long and for the far we have come!

This is Why....

2011-03-25T08:48:00.000+03:00

Because I go to the Lord for safety, I have and remain under the protection of the Almighty. I can say of God and to Him, “You have been and are my defender and protector, You are my God; in You I trust.” You have kept me safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases- and you continue to do this daily.

You cover me with your wings; I am safe in Your care.Your faithfulness protects and defends me, and because of this, I do not need to fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight. A thousand may fall dead beside me, ten thousand all round me, but I will not be harmed. I will look and see how the wicked are punished. My past testifies of this, and my future lies in trust of your unchanging faithfulness.

My faith statement: I have made the Lord my defender, the Most High my protector,and so no disaster will strike me, no violence will come near my home. For God will put His angels in charge of me to protect me wherever I go.They will hold me up with their hands to keep me from hurting my feet on the stones. I will trample down lions and snakes, fierce lions and poisonous snakes.

God says, “I will save those who love me and will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord.When they call to me, I will answer them; when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honour them. I will reward them with long life; I will save them.”

Its a Process!

2011-02-25T10:22:00.002+03:00

Psalms 65. My early morning read. My take out : Life can be liken to a field - God being the farmer. Verses 9 & 10 describe God's " "action-ed process" in bringing His land to yield...i.e caring for the land....watering it....drenching furrows... leveling ridges...softening the ground...blessing the crop... and.... the result of it all...."crowned bounty evidenced by overflowed carts!".

I believe the same principle applies when we surrender our life to God. God prepares us for fruitfulness, it is a process of drenching , leveling and softening our soils - souls, sowing His word, watering it, and blessing us into overflowing fruitfulness!

Key word here is process. It takes time, but you can be certain of the result - a crowned bounty!

Psalms 65.

Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion;
   to you our vows will be fulfilled.
² You who answer prayer,
   to you all people will come.
³ When we were overwhelmed by sins,
   you forgave our transgressions.
⁴ Blessed are those you choose
   and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
   of your holy temple.

⁵ You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
   God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
   and of the farthest seas,
⁶ who formed the mountains by your power,
   having armed yourself with strength,
⁷ who stilled the roaring of the seas,
   the roaring of their waves,
   and the turmoil of the nations.
⁸ The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
   where morning dawns, where evening fades,
   you call forth songs of joy.

  ⁹ You care for the land and water it;
   you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
   to provide the people with grain,
   for so you have ordained it.
¹⁰ You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
   you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
¹¹ You crown the year with your bounty,
   and your carts overflow with abundance.
¹² The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
   the hills are clothed with gladness.
¹³ The meadows are covered with flocks
   and the valleys are mantled with grain;
   they shout for joy and sing.

Loving You

2011-02-21T13:41:00.001+03:00

Dear God,

I prayed this morning, that You would give me wisdom to live this day in a way that pleased You, and on my way to work, the below verses were read by the gentleman on radio whose life is centered on kingdom business.....

Matthew 22....“One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Deuteronomy 6 …..

¹ These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, ² so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. ³ Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

⁴ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.”

.........You and I know too well of the coldness my heart bore a few days ago…coldness directed at You….because I gave You ultimatums (I forget am dust!) that You did not / seem not to fulfill at my time…the car I need paid in a year, the job deal that should have closed three weeks ago but fell flat, and the pending decision I need to make, for which I have not been able to hear Your thoughts on….. mountains that the above verses felled to reveal how small headed I am. My eyes have been so so so (embarrassingly!!) focused on Your hand, I forgot to look up and see Your desire for me to love You above all the things that Your hands hold – to love You with my heart, soul and mind. This You say is the 1^st and greatest command – me following this, is a sure way to please You and it is my intention to do so going forth.

Your Love,

Me.

For no ordinary man........

2011-02-10T08:40:00.000+03:00

Out and Into....

2011-02-01T09:49:00.000+03:00

I found my darkness

My subconscious led me to it...

In all consciousness, this was the last place I wanted to be.

Lost in the shadows and rays of the unknown...and known

I followed a path, a path I shouldn't have....I followed a shadow.

That shadow fouled a cancer into my soul

A cancer that has been chiseling the foundations of my being.

at 8am - today, a ray of the known shone, vanquished my darkness

I have found my light, my conscious led me to it.

In all consciousness, this is the place I want to be.

My God Experiences, Lessons from 2010.....

2011-01-12T13:56:00.005+03:00

Reading the bible from Genesis to Revelations was my greatest achievement in 2010.

Over the years, I’ve read the bible in tit-bits – a verse here, a chapter here, a book here…but never back to back…and being a person who likes to see the whole picture….I liken my knowledge of the bible to an incomplete jigsaw….for which I needed fill up and have an abstract view from beginning to end….I use the word abstract because that’s the sort of painting my reading begot. When you look at an abstract painting, you sort of... can decipher the overall message of the painter, but every time you take a closer look, you find a new dimension….a mixture of colors that is quite hidden to a far look….

…The abstract has now infused curiosity to gaze longer…and this year will see me….dig deeper into the truths I read….to sort of… separate the strokes of color.

‘My God Experiences, Lessons from 2010" is what is on my mind to write….a memoir to myself lest I forget from whence He has brought me….

….November 2009…God signed me up into this “class” in the school of spiritual maturity where the ultimate certification was to be perfected in the knowledge and likeness of God under the headship of Jesus Christ, God’s Son.

This class was intense – like final year in college...where results either make or break. Once or twice, I wanted out…but I knew if I didn’t take this class and pass….my “transcript” would have an I – Incomplete…and I’d keep retaking the “class” till I passed to graduate to higher maturity in Christ. So I stayed put to the end.

Lesson1: Dealing with the fear of death.

Robbers broke into our home and brutally killed one of us, a close family friend and employee. The aftermath – fear! What did they want?? Rumor had it that he was killed for refusing to lure us out the house….what did they want from us?? Fear! Two days later, they tried to strike again…! More fear!!

For the next couple of days after the incident, my stomach only held liquefied fear….slept with lights on and ears perked – mental anguish robbed me of peace and sleep (and I love sleeping!!). It’s a time I learnt to pray prayers, I’d otherwise not prayed. Psalms 91 became a reality.

Here is what I learned;

“My life here on earth will come to an end. There’s no going round that. I have accepted this fact. I firmly believe if the rapture takes place before physical death, Jesus will not leave me down here :-)…and if the rapture is past the days allocated to my life, well then…I’ll succumb to physical death. With this in mind – I petitioned God thus… ‘not to be murdered, car wrecked or befall any other violent form of death….these I want not….I want an honorable death’…this, I prayed for my whole family…Hasn’t God asked me not to be anxious for anything but by prayer and petition make my requests known to Him?? I did regarding my ‘preferred’ exit. Long and short of this – I learnt not to get too attached to my life….It’ll end…whether I fear or not….I ZZzzzzzsleep soundly because of this.”

Lesson 2: Some days are just meant to be hard

Late November 2009, my landlord gave me the ultimatum to move house (...ehhhh… I’d given him notice of my intention to vacate…but on the d-day, had not found a suitable house to move into…talk about poor planning on my part…)…and well, he needed me out as he had leased the house to someone else. My trail of a hard day was thus ; Woke up very early following day…looked for an agent….found one….walked round my sunny neighborhood for 4 hours straight…. 5th hour, torrents broke…I got soaked to my foundations….at about 3pm, got a ‘not-to-my-liking flat’….had little choice. Mad dash to the bank to pay for the lease….long queue at the bank….hassled for movers….packed rather….huddled all my stuff in three hours, broke one or two…..8pm, movers arrived….9.30pm….commotion outside….accident by the movers….police are called in….this day could not get any worse…..10pm….movers compensate. 11pm….drive to flat….midnight….dump everything into flat…darkness…the last mover out of the flat left with all light bulbs?!! How’s that?? Taps are dry; the flat care-taker “forgot “to reconnect…seriously???. 2am – I remember tomorrow I have my finals exams – loud sigh, frustrated tears (…emotional reliever…)…and what side of my bed did I wake up on??? Before I could answer that question…I conked off! Slept….what does the bible say…God gives sleep to those He loves…..God just has a way of reassuring you that His is on top of things…..no matter how hard. I must mention that I scored real high on my finals. How’s that for God’s consistency?!

Lesson 3: Mind – Soul Sores.

One month later, I got the perfect house – comfortable and to my liking. The move was smooth…and I couldn’t have asked for a better landlord – an elderly man and his lovely wife – very hospitable. One evening, supervising the paintwork – the landlord remarks in passing that the former tenant was a doctor who performed abortions and he suspects that one or two were carried out in the house…he then reassures me not to worry, as he and I think clergy from his church had cleansed the house….and at that moment thought…’what the heck?! Why didn’t thou'st say this when I was signing the lease….??’. Mental anguish…for two weeks…I just kept thinking of them babies….the potential…that was not allowed to see the light of day…and I was so sad….I had real deep sadness…. And it was during this period that I came to learn that God is able to comfort the soul and still the mind.

Lesson 4: Faith Shields

A friend got promoted; another got a new exciting job – just what I’d been asking God for, for myself. Another and…other of my friends got babies – I want babies too – specifically twins. My colleague at work got a huge increment – I got an increment too…though I thought I deserved more. My friends got married – I wanted to get married too. A younger friend got engaged – I want to get engaged too. 2010 was a great year for my friends…..they got most of the things on my prayer request list….that I didn’t. Now – humanly…envy, jealously, anger, despair and such like feelings are the type of feelings that I should have battled with…right?? Probably – but I didn’t…why?? Because God gave me a gift, a shield called faith. And but for these blessings coming to my friends, I wouldn’t have known how powerfully the shield of faith blocks “pity” feelings and instead heightens expectations. My greatest highlights of 2010 were weddings, baby showers, celebratory coffee and lunch dates…because this I knew…I’d soon be calling my tribe of friends for my round of drinks in 2011. Faith Shields! Faith simply is the belief that God hears us and is willing to bless us, in His will.

Lesson 5: Heated Company

The three Hebrew boys – Meshack, Shadrack and Abednego….remember their story? They were thrown into the fiery furnace for their faith in God. Strange thing was, God didn’t get them out of the fire but instead joined them in the furnace. This has been my experience in 2010, what they say of God, that He doesn’t change is very true. I literally leaped around heaped fire last year and was thrust smack in the middle of it and God didn’t move me a flinch away from the heat…..He stood with me in the heat of it…all of it. Friends issues, family issues, church issues, country issues…I mean…it was an inferno…burnt out was the prominent feeling I carried for the better part of the year….but for those who know me, you can testify...there was no shadow of smoke on me! Neither the tang of burnt cloth or hair….no illness….physical or mental….I did my circles round the furnace and left unscathed – why….because Jesus sat with me through it!! He sat as a refiner and purifier of silver until He saw His image in me.

I learnt many more things…but the summary is this;

God is all sufficient. He sustains.

Trust His ways. Trust His process. Trust His answers. Trust his love. Trust GOD with your life.

My desire for 2011 is to know God more. He promises that those who search for Him…will find Him.

H out of Whine....

2011-01-06T13:59:00.001+03:00

....so maybe 2010 was a difficult year for ~~many~~ some....mine wasn't dandy all through...but there were grand moments...that evened the year out....

Circles around me are still whine-ing and wine-ing over the tilt of 2010 scales...and well, ~~am getting~~ ~~tired~~ ...am not enjoying the company of the whin - wines!

I consider 2010, waters gone by...scale-wise it counts no more...I have moved on.

God is the author and the finisher of our faith. My devotion today expounds this thus : "God is the One who writes faith on your heart and then develops it to completion on the inside of you."

...this if for ~~someone~~ ~~some people~~ " you know yourselves" out there who come here very often - 2011 will be different for you....should I even say, a dandy year for you...if only you let go of 2010's disappointments, losses and every other word that you use to describe all that went wrong during the year...and embrace this new year as a fresh beginning....to start all over again.

To hope again, to have faith again, to love again, to invest again, to do/ achieve that which is important to you again....

It is my firm belief that you can balance out a year...if tough stuff comes your way...then go out of your way, to do simple stuff that takes the tough away. Last year, a lot of stuff that was beyond my control was thrown at me, but I invested in God, family, friends, books, movies, music and lots of other stuff that makes me happy...and had a evened out life...

If you can, do the same for yourself. God always wills to help.

Let go of the duffel whine-wine bag of 2010, we just passed the border into newness!!!

For the wine - ers , the ching of the toast - glass may get louder or lower - whichever way, make 2011 a dance!- music or no music :-)

My Father so Commands.....

2011-01-03T13:46:00.002+03:00

I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, where you were slaves.

Worship no god but me.

Do not make for yourselves images of anything in heaven or on earth or in the water under the earth.

Do not bow down to any idol or worship it, because I am the Lord your God and I tolerate no rivals. I bring punishment on those who hate me and on their descendants down to the third and fourth generation. But I show my love to thousands of generations of those who love me and obey my laws.

Do not use my name for evil purposes, for I, the Lord your God, will punish anyone who misuses my name.

Observe the Sabbath and keep it holy.

You have six days in which to do your work, but the seventh day is a day of rest dedicated to me. On that day no one is to work — neither you, your children, your slaves, your animals, nor the foreigners who live in your country. In six days I, the Lord, made the earth, the sky, the sea, and everything in them, but on the seventh day I rested. That is why I, the Lord, blessed the Sabbath and made it holy.

Respect your father and your mother, so that you may live a long time in the land that I am giving you.

Do not commit murder.

Do not commit adultery.

Do not steal.

Do not accuse anyone falsely.

Do not desire another man's house; do not desire his wife, his slaves, his cattle, his donkeys, or anything else that he owns.

End Year - Sights of the Envisioned

2010-12-31T23:59:00.006+03:00

Taking count of this....

2010 - a trying year...trying...! Naaay!
The Bible - my goal was to read cover to cover...and Yay I did it!
The Propeller - I attended a night service on the eve of 2009 - and 2010 was to be the year of the propeller ; I thought that meant good stuff...coming my way...some of which did...but now I know, the propeller being talked about then was endurance....coz I tell you...this year was ridden with tough stuff that kept propelling me to heights of endurance!! Naaaay!
Church service; came to the end of my term serving in bible study! Yay!
Dreadlocks!...am shaking em 9 months long locks...and loving it! Yay!
Love! Its a fight between logic and what I am feeling ....Hmmh!
Wheels - had them for 8 months now! Yay!
School - All school had made me a dull girl for the last three years, I took a break this year!...(ok maybe I got lazy, but 2011 - its getting done!) Nay!
The Orphans - Yay! Yay! both him and his brother are in school!!!!
The Job - eluded me! Nay!

5 Yays! 4 Nays! 1 Hmmhs! Guess not as bad as a year as I thought!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2010-12-24T08:00:00.002+03:00

Pregnant : Not his baby!

2010-12-09T11:20:00.000+03:00

My name is Mary.

My mother and his broke the china plate....betrothed - I was to be his forever. Now, I carry a child that is not his!

Lower your brow and allow me explain;

About eight months ago - of years long past, a man came to me...he looked wonderful, never had I set my eyes on anything like him. Truth be told, he fitted the cliche "out of this world - an angel". ..." You are endued with grace! " he said..."You are unlike any woman!" he added...

My heart flattered....he told me not to fear, for I had found favor in the eyes of the greatest ONE. He said that I 'd have a bulge soon - but of-course I'd hoped, for Joseph - my fiancee had asked me to be his, and when he and I were one, my prayer was that his soldiers would match.

He- the man that had come to my house, dismissed my reasoning....and said..."not so!". For the timeliness in which I speak, is in the now. "Now?", I questioned - "now - how?? for I have never laid with a man...! never ever!".....

The bulge you will have will not be from human soldiers, - he said - but one who is the great ONE would cause His power to overshadow me and by this power would I conceive.

I believed him. "So be IT as you say", was my response.

He spoke of GOD. GOD had favored me - a hand maid to carry His Son. This was too lofty for me. But I had come to know that with God, nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.

I sang.

"I'm bursting with God-news;
      I'm dancing the song of my Savior God.
      God took one good look at me, and look what happened...
      I'm the most fortunate woman on earth!
   What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
      the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
   His mercy flows in wave after wave
      on those who are in awe before him.
   He bared his arm and showed his strength,
      scattered the bluffing braggarts.
   He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
      pulled victims out of the mud.
   The starving poor sat down to a banquet;
      the callous rich were left out in the cold.
   He embraced his chosen child, Israel;
      he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
   It's exactly what he promised,
      beginning with Abraham and right up to now."

Next three months saw me stay at Elizabeth's house - she is my relative - also 6 months pregnant at the time of my arrival. After that I returned home and Joe! well Joe got to know about the bulge and decided to bail. Who can blame him?! In his eyes, I had betrayed him - yet he loved me so....and to save me public shame...began to devise secret plans to break away from me.

But whatwouldthouknowest! Joe had a dream and in it, my God asked him to stay by me - and so did Joe.

That my reason, is why I carry a child that is not Joe's but a child who is described thus;

"His name will be called Jesus

He will be great,
      be called 'Son of the Highest.'
   The Lord God will give him
      the throne of his father David;
   He will rule Jacob's house forever—
      no end, ever, to his kingdom."

and Joseph knows deep down that he too is highly favored to be part of God's great plan.

In two weeks or so - as was then, the child I carry will be born.

I write like its today but this happened many years ago at a time such as now.

I write to remind you of God's gift to mankind.

For God so loved the world that He sent His own begotten son, that we may live and not perish.

No one is without a gift this Christmas. God sent One that could be enjoyed by all.

Take time to understand my story - and I hope you'll be curious to find out what became of Jesus after his birth, his lifetime until His death.

I am but a handmaid called Mary.

In You Alone...

2010-12-06T09:20:00.003+03:00

This Is It....!

2010-11-15T09:54:00.001+03:00

November's Life Cards.

2010-11-12T10:39:00.001+03:00

It’s about this time last year when they visited….and when I saw them…. I was troubled. Not one to co-exist with my phobias… (or so a’ve convinced myself)….I packed and left….in the night….

At midnight I broke! It wasn’t them, nor the accident while leaving….nor the feeling of letting my loved one down…..nor the fear for the exam I had to sit the next day…..It wasn’t the rain that drenched me earlier nor the darkness of returning to my past….. neither was it the cold uncertainty of what lay ahead….no! not these, I broke because “my disappointment (s) had run over….…”.

I reasoned this may be a fall tripped by pride....or one of those trials which Paul reckons we should rejoice in….perhaps the devil had came out earlier than 3am for his prowl…and I happened to be his target all day….or maybe, I just woke up on the wrong side of life!

Morning brushed off yesterday’s tears, I embraced the cards dealt and signed back to the game of life. For a while, I seemed to draw only black cloves (also read clubs)….cloves are meant to bring good luck…but what when they come in black?....I lagged in the distance score-wise…….more than once I prayed for hearts and diamonds….didn’t want no spades.

Life cards were reshuffled…and cock-crow broke….I drew quite a number of diamonds, spades and some more cloves…..weird it would seem as my co-players seemed to always draw hearts..but me, not one!. I began to wonder if my hands were jinxed…that wonder threw me into a swirling pot of doubt vs. faith.

I withdrew from the game and journeyed to a dry land of no food to meet with card maker. Perhaps he could explain this bizarreness. Three days I sat under a canopy and gazed at the horizon; land of hills and valleys this dry land was.

A candid conversation we had, simply put the explanation was; “time and chance happens to all”. The blacks of disappointments and the reds of success happen to all. If likened to the sea, life has both high and low tides. The long and short of it; cloves and spades come in equal number with hearts and diamonds.

I returned to the game and it seemed like I’d been away for eons and eons ….or so the deceiver painted….but the card maker thrust me back to reality with...” It’s only been a year!”

At 6pm yesterday, a new game began….and the card maker called and guaranteed me a heart….! One hour later I had 3 of hearts, I played it….two hours later I had a 5 of hearts , I’ll play it tomorrow as I await my 7 of hearts because Jesus had already acquired my King of Hearts.

A year! That’s how long a tide can sometimes be….but it’s only a yearlong! After that, the tide BREAKS!!

November to November – for one day can be a year, as a year can be a day.

Centre of My Life

2010-11-08T08:44:00.002+03:00

From What I Know.....

2010-10-26T14:32:00.002+03:00

1. God cannot lie. If He told you so...It will happen. Bank it!

2. God is not mocked. Everything we do is ridden with consequence...good or bad...everything!

3. God is not robbed. If you withhold what belongs to Him....you find yourself being discontent with so many things in life.

4. God's mercy will get you out of what you need not go through - and the same mercy will get you through what you need to go through.

5. God is a persistent lover - He is one who never leaves no matter what! He stays through it all - the good, bad, ugly and all the in-betweens....He never forsakes, never!

These five I know through personal experience.

...and I know more. I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Saying "Thank You"!

2010-10-15T09:16:00.005+03:00

"Let the giving of thanks be your sacrifice to God, and give the Almighty all that you promised. Giving thanks is the sacrifice that honors me, and I will surely save all who obey me." Psalms 50:14,23

Enjoy :-)

By "So-overjoyed"...I like his spirit!..and voice too.

"hello! smiled my wild sunflower!"

2010-10-06T10:09:00.000+03:00

.......I didn't pay much attention to the group of them....huddled together, I considered them, what they were or so they looked, weeds and shrubs!

But what greeted me home last evening, looked like no weed, with more than 10 sunny wavy leaves, and a dark chocolate mid, "hello! smiled my wild sunflower!". I was taken aback. It was so beautiful..! I reached for my phone camera and snap! saved it as a memoir!.

I'd parked very close to it, so I slowly opened the car door, careful not to dislodge it....and my evening prayer included a thank you note for a "sunflower smile". Early this morning, I was battling with a certain decision....as I pulled out to work...I glanced at the sunflower again and made careful maneuvers not to glaze it.

Alas! when I got to work and opened my door, what fell out???!!! my sunflower head! (sob!)...and there came the answer to my indecision!

Opportunities only last so long...like a wild sunflower they soon shrivel away or get plucked....

Lord, help me make this right.

Why Do I?

2010-10-01T15:05:00.004+03:00

I may be different … reason being, there are certain conversations that take place in my head…and sometimes I wonder... if the same are replicated in other human minds….( now why is my mind-built stereo playing …Whitney’s “Am every woman “ …??? Am not!…ok -maybe I am…in some aspects!…may-could be??… ugghhh !mute goes the stereo)

The other night, I knelt down to pray….and felt this presence…twas rather intimidating…I actually choked on my words, very few let out….I’d probably liken it to stage-fright…aahhh...."prayer-fright" ...would be a good word to describe it. I was terrified of the acute sense that God was actually listening…. (don’t know why, I talk to Him lots)….this awareness scared the words out of me…and my mind began to spin…

Why do I pray? What is it that makes me believe He hears me? Why do I believe in Him….and why do I blog about Him….? Why do I choose daily to live by the Christian faith? Why does His presence scare me?…..(... pin off the “why” mind disc!!!…this can go on and on and on….)

Last night, I lit a sole pink candle, turned off the lights, and knelt. There is something magical about candle light…..and here began to answer myself....

Why do I pray? : My aunt gave me a pink pen many years back with 3 grafted words, “Prayer Changes Things”….….does it? (my personality is a bit strange; I have a tendency to want to prove if stuff works!)….fast forward, many years later, my prayer results have been: some things changed immediately after one prayer, others took many sessions….and amazingly, prayer also changed my want for un-necessary things. So why do I pray? Because things are always changing….

What is it that makes me believe God hears me? : …hmmh, Lucy walks in with a hot cup of milk and says; “You love milk yea?”, and am like, “Yea, how’d you know? …..and she goes, “I guessed”…and I think, if…He hears my cravings, what about my words and thoughts?!....

Why do I believe in God? : …the birth process (labor – humans/animals alike…is just too profound for me?!....and while we are at that, baby talk ;....have you ever beheld a 6 month baby having a conversation with its toes – na- na.. those coos and gaas…call me paranoid, but them cuties are talking with someone?!)...then there's how the wind steals past, the smell of rain, the warmth of sunset…..and yes, animal shapes and their weird traits!, these for me, are sealers!!

Why do I blog about my experiences with God? : …because He is incomprehensible….and this is my way of putting minute revelations together …though this is one jigsaw that can only be complete when I behold Him.

Why do I choose daily to live by the Christian faith? : I have believed the message of Jesus Christ. … enuff said!

Why does His presence scare me? : I revere God because all my faculties combined cannot fathom Him.

(Image credit : Lester Kern - Show me thy way, O Lord.)

Letters to God

2010-09-27T10:17:00.002+03:00

Dear Mr. God,

I laughed when the kid called you Mister….

(((…long minute….I have this indescribable feeling towards you right now)))

Amen.

Letters to God - a worthwhile movie to watch....

The Only Thing...

2010-09-23T10:52:00.001+03:00

I wonder what God was thinking.....

2010-09-17T09:08:00.001+03:00

My favourite listen, this morning on radio.

By Newsong feat Natalie Grant.

I Miss.....

2010-09-14T10:43:00.002+03:00

Yesterday, I was thinking about you.

Took a long breath, reminiscing our walk together over the years. Hard to believe we made it this far...but again, we always knew, we'd be whatever we set our minds to be.

We laughed a lot especially at Donkey(Shrek)...we were always on the move...we danced to salsa as we cleaned,....to relax, we listened to Josh Groban ....we loved to read...ohh...how we soaked words....and out of their abundance, spoke with passion and deep conviction! The good ol days....

Our feet were swift to sound of praise....to every good beat, we had a likewise good jig....gratitude was forever on our lips....we loved life! we did love life!

Then it happened! October 10th 2008...the night, we wish we could relive....remember?... there has never been a night like that since....as one, mind, body and soul & spirit....we sang....we danced...we talked....we felt....we left...forever changed.

I miss you! I have missed you for the better length of this year...

I miss you now more than ever because, come Friday 17th, the night returns....this has always been our night of the year since 2006. I enjoyed last year's night too....there was a new beat... remember...and though space was limited...we still had our chakacha jig....(the guy on our left bumped up tho' hic! hic!)

I want you back. Especially for this night.....and if you can please stay after that too.

You have been my cheerleader...I am, because you have been.

You needed some time away to rejuvenate - I understand....but the effects of your absence are beginning to show....and am hoping we can rekindle and start all over again....this Friday night from 9pm.

I miss me!.

That's My King!

2010-08-26T08:16:00.001+03:00

Eden's Apple

2010-08-23T13:00:00.003+03:00

I'd barely breathed out of my last article Created for Man, when at a family function, I met a relative whose very dear to me...and catching up on her family...she let out lowly that she is secretly separated from her husband, who threw her and their two kids out...and ended with "its only temporary!".

I felt sad for her, she looked sullen all through the function.

Sunday morning, I thought about Paul's words....those who marry will have worldly troubles (I Cor 7 : 28b) and sought an answer from He who made them male and female.

This was the explanation that brought me peace;

Desktop Security! A rogue malware struck my laptop - it disguises itself as an anti-virus...and it has this annoying voice-over of..."new virus"...after every 10 seconds...and before long my alert tray read 231 "fake" viruses...and it suggested that I could get them all out @ $40!!.(Scam marketing!). Fortunately, combo fix and Kaspersky got the rogue out!

Eden's Apple Security! A rogue preposition to Eve and Adam, paralyzed human lives - disguised itself as the cure to death....and with it came the voices of temptation - to be supreme. And whilst, the two became one, threads, worms and trojans were released to disintegrate the one....and history can ascertain, the crippling damage Eden's Apple Security has had.

Not Alarmed! an anti-apple defense was launched, named the commandments - which the users had extreme difficultly following...and the creator launched an even more sophisticated anti- apple combat - not wordy but manly. He sent His Son, Jesus - to whom all authority was given and He disarmed principalities and powers, made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them.

I guess, this is the faith my relative had when, she said, "Its only temporary!". Whatever trojan ails her husband, the power of prayer to Jesus who conquers all, will arrest and neutralize.

Such is her faith.

Created for Man.

2010-08-20T09:50:00.001+03:00

I read a certain article from a fellow blogger, she/ he (profile wasn't clear)...wrote about two ladies who both at 21 years old prayed to God for husbands, one was called Maria, the other, I forget...so lets call her Sue. Maria grew up in a christian home and accepted Christ as Savior at age 7 - has served faithfully her entire life since.

Sue, well, grew up in an abusive home, was sexually active at a young age, but has since known the love of Christ, accepting Him as Savior at age 20. God answers their prayers as follows: Sue gets married at 22, 1 year after her prayer, Maria at 29, 8 years after her prayer. Writer explaining God's reasoning, expounds - Maria has fortitude, has walked with the Lord for many years, so has developed perseverance....she can wait, Sue - well, is vulnerable - the wind of despair if asked to wait - will whisk her into the arms of a man for reassurance- aftermath will be guilt that may lead her back to her old ways.

I have summarized the story, the post comes in six parts, its quite an entertaining read....but last night, I thought about its truth - it could have been fiction...but I wondered about the whole, strong vs weak christian in terms of God's treatment - I didn't dwell much on that but my thoughts were drawn to the topic of praying for a spouse - ( I fell by this article's blog by googling "prayer for spouse"....yesterday was a day designated to pray for marriage).

In the quietness of my room, my focus was directed to the beginning. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, the first day...on the sixth day, man was made. A while after that, God said, " It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him."

A careful search was made among the created animals, but alas, none was found suitable. Man was sedated, God took his rib and made a woman out of it and brought her to man. The man said, "bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, I call her woman, for she was taken out of man".

Truth is naked. How hard it is to stare at nakedness! Why so, its just skin?!

The naked truth dictates that, "woman was created for man - to be his suitable helper". That is a woman's blue print. The reason God thought up woman - was because, "it was not good for the man to be alone" and "no other suitable helper was found".

My thought process follows; A man needs to first sense his "alone - ness" and then seek for a suitable helper - "i.e. a woman". Man then needs favor from God, for the woman to want, to be "his helper"....I would think...this is where a girl falls for a guys ears - or oh his voice! or his dark skin...or whatever it is, she says makes you the "one". - that needs favor, Prov 18 : 22 - "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord.

So, as a woman, my prayer for a spouse should be guided by the following;

Lord, may he recognize he is alone,

and come out to find his suitable helper,

May You guide him along my path

And when we meet, your favor, may you grant

For, I am a woman, created primarily to help a man!

Amen.

" Behind every successful man, stands a woman!".

Tip your ear....

2010-08-17T07:17:00.001+03:00

.....let me tell you about my God...

He bends but does not break.....

He stretches but doesn't tear....

He pulls but doesn't rip....

He presses but does not crush...

He may hide but never forgets nor forsakes....

He heats up but never burns....

He fills up but never drowns.

My God is stable

is unchanging

is strong

is purposeful.

and He sustains.

Tell Me, Please

2010-08-13T10:05:00.001+03:00

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where –" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"– so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

- From Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?''

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," replied the Voice.

" To a far- far- away land where I can find peace and rest," said I

" Space and distance will not bring you to it," said the Voice

" -no? what will?", asked I

" Trust," - the Voice.

- I

When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19

Pa.

2010-08-03T10:17:00.001+03:00

The Lord is my Pa, I have everything I need

He makes me lie down in a warm bed

He leads me to songs and people,

places and writings

and there restores my soul

He guides my thoughts, my walk, my talk

Because I have identified myself with Him

An identity He protects,

For His name's sake

As often as my count has failed

I face shadows, daunting voices, demise

I will not fear

For, Pa stands guard

He wills to sustain and comfort

The day of answer comes!

In the face of my shadows, voices and demise

You light and they are vanquished!

Ha! You reward patience and courage

And my joy overflows!

Indeed goodness and love

are my abode, all my life!

And I dwell with you.

Forever

Amen.

Drinking from my Jar.

2010-07-27T10:11:00.002+03:00

Below, is a precept of an email response I sent to a friend who fell by this blog when he was going through a rough moment....(You'll know yourself - when you read this - this is to thank you for being in my life - words I spoke to you in my day of strength are now here to encourage me in my day of struggle).

This requires no introduction, if you've had a struggle/ are struggling - you should pick up just fine.

--------------------------- I wrote;

".......One thing that stands out from your story…is resilience and the desire to do God’s will….that, my friend…is a most noble thing…

….I know what it feels like to burn with passion for a cause and at the same time, feel chained to the ground on which you seek to run..2008 was such a year for me…I felt like I had spent the entire year in the desert….I knew that God was with me…yet He seemed so far away….prayer was hard…faith was hard…I wondered, if really I needed to go through such dry times…truth be told…I felt imprisoned by God…because I couldn’t leave….for where can you hide from God?…He is everywhere…and leaving has never been a choice for me….so to be honest, when I couldn’t pray…I just told God, I couldn’t pray…when I didn’t feel Him, I told Him so…when I couldn’t read the bible…I told Him I couldn’t….when I felt famished…I told Him so…

What am trying to say…is I have been there…but greater than being there…I was able to move on from there….and the secret…you have it …"RESILIENCE”

Habakkuk talks about writing the revelation down….in a sense to say…write your dream down…that storm which rages in your heart….put it down….the analogy you’ve written about what you are feeling…journal it…and revisit it from time to time….. write about what you are going through now - and who knows one day, it will be you encouraging someone else in a similar situation. Here is what I think…God has a great purpose for you to accomplish and these dry and hard times are there to strengthen you….so that when the storm breaks out…you’ll not be carried off by the storm…..

Say all resistance to hold the storm within the house gives way….and the door bursts open…..it has the power to rip off the roof and shatter the windows….and the walls can even come tumbling down….but if your house is built on a rock….then the storm will break but your house will remain standing (you remember Jesus teaching on building a house on the rock and not on sand, right?). Building a foundation on a rock is no easy task…envision chiseling through the rock to put up walls….it takes resilience and lots of patience and truth (this is what you going through…building your house on the rock – building resilience, patience and truth) – and all this comes with resistance ( a rock is naturally very hard – and you are not helped by the fact that this storm seeks to destroy the devils camp)

I say to you, hang in there….if there is one thing I learnt while in the desert…is truthfully talking to God and not putting up a spiritual face…its telling Him as it is….and since you are one that doesn’t give up…then the only way available to you is forward….run when you can, walk when you can…crawl when you can….sit when you can’t…there will be times of refreshing as God promises in Isaiah 40 – that they who hope in the Lord, He shall renew their strength….and before long….you will come to the end of this period and you will look back and be amazed at how far the Lord will have brought you through your struggles. Jesus also faced the desert for 40 days.

Our spiritual experiences are not always the same…but I am confident that the God who formed you in your mother’s womb…who knows you by name….who sees your heart…your desire to use the very gifts He has given you…..He will guide you through this time in your life….and loose your chains at His time.

My final encouragement, that helped me through my hard days, was to subscribe to daily devotionals as they help you read the bible whilst at the same time, God used these to give me strength…I highly recommend Joel Osteen’s daily devotions….and also surround yourself with worship songs…and positive friends…"

Stand Strong.

--------------------------------

This was the content in my jar of encouragement for a friend in a storm, I have found substance in it as I traverse the desert again, for after every so many easy-go happy life miles...we Christians, hit the desert and face the storm again and again.

Wonder of Colors

2010-07-16T11:39:00.002+03:00

What if grass was blue

And the sky green

The sun was red

Clouds were yellow

Trees were black

Leaves were grey

Mankind purple

Dull!

You are Lord of colors!

Lord of style!

Perfect are the shades of the world

The sea reflects the sky

Trees are one with grass

Mankind and earth alike

White sand or brown soil

White clouds tell of your softness

Yellow sun beams of your joy

Colorless wind and water, of your transparency

Animals, of your gamut of beauty

I wonder about you God

Will I ever comprehend you in totality?

You confound me

You consume me with admiration

Colors of the world

Perfectly matched

Wholesome!

2010-07-08T09:31:00.000+03:00

I am reading through the bible this year, cover to cover and last night my passage was Psalms 1-20. These writings are wholesome for prayer! The 19th below;

A psalm by David.

How clearly the sky reveals God's glory!

How plainly it shows what He has done!

Each day announces it to the following day; each night repeats it to the next.

No speech or words are used, no sound is heard; yet their message

goes out to all the world and is heard to the ends of the earth.

God made a home in the sky for the sun;

it comes out in the morning like a happy bridegroom,

like an athlete eager to run a race.

It starts at one end of the sky and goes across to the other.

Nothing can hide from its heat.

The Law of the Lord

The law of the Lord is perfect; it gives new strength.

The commands of the Lord are trustworthy, giving wisdom to those who lack it.

The laws of the Lord are right, and those who obey them are happy.

The commands of the Lord are just and give understanding to the mind.

Reverence for the Lord is good; it will continue for ever.

The judgments of the Lord are just; they are always fair.

They are more desirable than the finest gold; they are sweeter than the purest honey.

They give knowledge to me, your servant; I am rewarded for obeying them.

No one can see his own errors; deliver me, Lord, from hidden faults!

Keep me safe, also, from willful sins; don't let them rule over me.

Then I shall be perfect and free from the evil of sin.

May my words and my thoughts be acceptable to you, O Lord, my refuge and my redeemer!

...they made me smile....

2010-06-24T09:39:00.006+03:00

These pictures warm my heart....the boy seems so intent in his unspoken words..and his dog knows help comes from above....

Can't get over the dog - I can write a thousand words on his posture!

The lovely pinky girl has her dolls all praying with her...and her little hands so respectfully balance her bowed head....

Digress...the day before yesterday, as I walked towards my gate, two boys, say 7 years old, sped past me and sat on a porch two houses from mine. I was curious as to what they were up to....so I watched them walking by....

They had small transparent bags which revealed a mixture of different types of sweets (candy)...and each peeped at his friend's selection....I was about four feet away from the first boy...

He shut his eyes, made the sign of the cross....my eyes quickly glanced at the second boy who'd already started removing the wrapper from his candy...he looked up...looked at his friend and shucks! he'd forgotten!threw the candy back into the paper bag...shut his eyes, made the sign of the cross with incredible speed! stole a glance at me and smiled sheepishly....and proceeded to join his friend in muttering a few inaudible words...two feet past them, I heard an audible amen!

I smiled...then a bubble of laughter let loose....I looked up to heaven..I'd been let into the cheekiness of a child's prayer.

I looked back, threw a smile at the boys, then winked at heaven!

Take time to thank God for life's candy!

A Time for Everything

2010-06-18T09:01:00.000+03:00

Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.

He sets the time for birth and the time for death,

the time for planting and the time for pulling up,

the time for killing and the time for healing,

the time for tearing down and the time for building.

He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy,

the time for mourning and the time for dancing,

the time for making love and the time for not making love,

the time for kissing and the time for not kissing.

He sets the time for finding and the time for losing,

the time for saving and the time for throwing away,

the time for tearing and the time for mending,

the time for silence and the time for talk.

He sets the time for love and the time for hate,

the time for war and the time for peace.

What do we gain from all our work? I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us.

He has set the right time for everything. Hehas given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us thesatisfaction of fully understanding what he does. So I realized that all we can do is to be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive. All of us should eat and drink and enjoy what we have worked for. It is God's gift.

I know that everything God does will last forever. You can't add anything to it or take anything away from it. Andone thing God does is to make us stand in awe of him. Whatever happens or can happen has already happened before. God makes the same thing happen again and again.

Ecclesiastes 3 :1-15

At Eight...

2010-06-10T12:42:00.005+03:00

My life at 8 years

What can I remember of it?

The pink dress and red lawn mans

Sleeveless black and red sweater

My relish wears

Life was simple

Wrote with pencils

Hair in corn rows

Slept at eight

Played hopscotch

Marbles were treasures

She is only eight

She is gone

What’s eight like?

Her life’s span

Ended

Hope I’d be there

For your aunt more

Erase the pain

Of days past

The future is sure

Only good awaits her

R.I.P Shiku

Play now

Run round and laugh!

Hopscotch and hula hoop

Jump high, dance hard!

Play with Jesus

God is good..!

2010-06-04T09:38:00.003+03:00

God is good. A simple statement that carries a lot of weight.

His goodness cannot be described fully for its a lot of different things to different people. I believe all of us experience God's goodness in different ways as we are uniquely, all different. Such that the goodness we derive from the same blessing is often described in different ways.

Today, I drove safely to work, and as I sit at my desk, am so grateful to God for His love, His mercy, His direction ( I mean, He actually tutored me into changing lanes after the roundabout!). While taking my morning shower, my thoughts were drawn to my favourite psalm, Psalm 91 - talking about the protection those who dwell in the shadow of the Almighty are guaranteed - specifically the part, that speaks of angels guarding your feet so that you don't trample on stones - .....and for me, it just confirmed the kind of protection that God has put in place to ensure my security in my goings in and goings out...I actually envisioned an angel seated on my dashboard with his own set of car (life) gears! (..(hic!)...trying to see things Elisha's way when at Elijah's request, God opened his eyes to see the heavenly army....(some imagination is needed in this life...))

Anyho! this is for you God...you the best!!!! and am so grateful for all you have done, are doing and continue to do...

...and ..still on God goodness....yesterday, it rained lots....and loads...(sp)...and it got flooded...

There was a really sad story on evening news yesterday, NTV at 7pm....about a gang that's hijacking ladies in Buruburu, they pounce on you...demand your ATM card...and while some withdraw your money...the other(s)...rape! My heart goes out to the lady telling her ordeal...may God comfort you in your pain....and bring wholesome healing to you, body...soul...and mind and forgiveness to your captors. What I found pretty confounding about this article was, after the lady narrated her story, the news team showed a footage of two gang men captured by an ATM camera making withdrawals and the song at the background was......" My God is good Oh! ...I guess playing from the guard's radio who was evidently fast asleep!....and while God does NOT condone rape!!! my prayer is that this lady's life's blessings gonna double-double oh!!!

Lord, vengeance belongs to you...avenge for us! And your goodness is evident in that, they did not kill her and she now stands to warn us.

Back to the flooding...from lots of rain...thank you Lord, for friends (read King & Mista) who helped keep the waters out....am humbled.

You are Good, Lord.

Love Unending....

2010-05-26T08:06:00.005+03:00

Psalm 103

The Love of God

Praise the Lord, my soul!
      All my being, praise his holy name!
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
      and do not forget how kind he is.
³ He forgives all my sins
      and heals all my diseases.
⁴ He keeps me from the grave
      and blesses me with love and mercy.
⁵ He fills my life with good things,
      so that I stay young and strong like an eagle.
⁶ The Lord judges in favor of the oppressed
      and gives them their rights.
⁷ He revealed his plans to Moses
      and let the people of Israel see his mighty deeds.
⁸ The Lord is merciful and loving,
      slow to become angry and full of constant love.
⁹ He does not keep on rebuking;
      he is not angry forever.
¹⁰ He does not punish us as we deserve
      or repay us according to our sins and wrongs.
¹¹ As high as the sky is above the earth,
      so great is his love for those who honor him.
¹² As far as the east is from the west,
      so far does he remove our sins from us.
¹³ As a father is kind to his children,
      so the Lord is kind to those who honor him.
¹⁴ He knows what we are made of;
      he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ As for us, our life is like grass.
   We grow and flourish like a wild flower;
    ¹⁶ then the wind blows on it, and it is gone

      no one sees it again.
¹⁷ But for those who honor the Lord, his love lasts forever,
      and his goodness endures for all generations
¹⁸ of those who are true to his covenant
      and who faithfully obey his commands.
¹⁹ The Lord placed his throne in heaven;
      he is king over all.
²⁰ Praise the Lord, you strong and mighty angels,
      who obey his commands,
      who listen to what he says.
²¹ Praise the Lord, all you heavenly powers,
      you servants of his, who do his will!
²² Praise the Lord, all his creatures
      in all the places he rules.
   Praise the Lord, my soul!

In His Car

2010-05-21T08:12:00.005+03:00

.....He pulled over and motioned that I could take a seat at the back of His cabin pickup. I got in and oh! how dark it was....save for two small windows that sneaked in shy beams of the setting sun....

...made myself comfortable on the bench seat that was secured at the end of the cabin. We hit a rough road...gripped the rails for balance.

..." Does He know where I am going?".....The make of His car was Datsun...for some reason, this one lacked the small front window that allows passengers to see the driver....

It got dark. I couldn't see anything outside. It was a country road...not much traffic.

We hit rough terrain again....then smooth....

..."Do I know where He is going?''.....

It didn't matter...I wasn't driving, He was...He didn't ask where I was going...so I guess, I'll go where He is going.

....and I am not afraid.

Here is my praise...

2010-05-14T10:20:00.003+03:00

Dear God,

2 hours later...here I am.

I've looked through psalms, to get words to praise you....and I haven't found what I'd like to say....I thought of Job...but my situation is different from his....so his words won't do...shuffled all the praise songs in my head...but none quite tell it as I want to....

See, am sort of sad....overwhelmed in my heart.....there is so much going round....half of which I do not understand...the other half which I think I do...isn't rosy.

My heart wants to praise....to expel its bottled feelings,...my mind tells me....praise will lift my burdens....logical I guess...my body tells me...I need a hug....a long one...with no words.....my spirit wants me to come up with ten counts of praise....

1. Its my mum's 60th birthday - thank you for her life and that you chose her to be my mum, she is really wonderful.

2. Thank you for the demio ....the second of my seven answered.

3. Its been raining lots lately...the cold makes sleeping so enjoyable...

4. Thank you for the knowledge that when all is said and done...You always win...it keeps my head up.

5. I praise You that You can see our souls....sometimes words are hard to come by....(like now)....yet You know what it is I desire to say.....(it reduces the pressure to express oneself - thank you for this)

6. For grace....because You have revealed my trespasses by rebuking me with your word...had I been born in the old testament days....they'd have put burning coals on my lips.

7. For Cadbury's S.M.S chocolate...it really tastes so gooood....and makes me sooo happy. ( the cocoa bean is a great creation!)

8. That you'll take time to read this.....

9. For my country - You are our peace...and as we tread upon troubled waters...You will guide us safely.

10. For the church - that Jesus, you REIGN....and no weapon fashioned against her will prosper!

....now, my heart, mind, body and spirit want to keep still.....on the staircase.

Much love,

Me.

Almost

2010-05-08T15:20:00.001+03:00

Nikumbuke (Remember Me)

2010-05-03T10:32:00.000+03:00

This song has been playing on my mind every morning now....simple swahili song by Christina Shusho asking God to remember us... and not pass us by.

The video explains itself.

Finally Alone

2010-04-22T13:28:00.001+03:00

I am standing in the field of time

My hands stretched out wide

And as I circle in reflection

I realize that my noise has bade me

silenced....a cloud dissolved

I see those who've walked with me

Slowly take steps away from my circle

Their season seems gone

Cherished....

My spirit lifts....

Floats on the breeze of change

Alas! Am finally alone

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Am alone (Glee!)

Finally alone

Gosh! Am alone

Oh my! (Shock!)

Not a step towards the past

Just round...

I spin slowly....slowly...

Rest my head on outstretched arms

Bask in the breath of new

As the old departs

This is so beautiful

If only I could paint this moment

Alone!

Oh! the scent of freedom

The fragrance of space

The sigh of relief

Alone and happy

not a motivation fad

A liberating feel

only experienced

in times as these

If only I could fly

and softly lay on the weight

of this moment

This aint a poem...

Its an expression....

Watching goodbyes

Twelve years its been

Finally Alone!

You are the music in me...

2010-04-16T08:57:00.001+03:00

If you understand both languages below, great!, if you don't...that's the reason for the post...not everything is comprehensible in life. (Honestly tho', this was the clearest video I could find....for a song so beautiful.)

Find the music in you this weekend. God Bless.

Still Standing

2010-04-09T09:16:00.000+03:00

....Life happens. Sometimes it can be explained; other times....it’s just a mystery - and a hard one at that. The past four months have been just that for me. But thankfully, life balances itself out...when one area is just a drag...other areas compensate....and if someone asks you how you are...you can confidently reply..." all things considered, am doing good"....

I have been fighting a fierce mental battle....being a thinker....I got hit by the "thinking bug". If you are largely a melancholic personality - you know what am talking about. The bug is not easily explainable...aahh...the mind is a replica of a battle field, with negative thoughts ( more of worry and doubt) on one side of the battle line and positive thoughts ( faith and hope) on the opposite side....and there is a "thoughts throw match" going back and forth...and at its height, it crippling! This is where I have been.

...and then, there has been coping with parents illnesses, the gang attack and its resultant sorrow and fear, the headache and expense of moving houses twice and settling, the "ex - double jms" betrayals, pulpit drama, trips home, my friends burdens, writer's bloc on my thesis, the end of my five year plan....It’s been tight!

...my mantra..."this too shall pass"....for my salvation and honour depend on God.

Am still standing…

You gave me courage to believe
That all Your goodness I would see
And if it had not been for You standing on my side
Where would I be

If not for your goodness
If not for your grace
I don’t know where I would be today
If not for your kindness
I never could say I’m still standing
If not for your mercy
If not for your Love
I most likely would have given up
If not for your favour
I never could say I’m still standing
But by the grace of God

To You I lift my offering
And set my heart on higher things
For if it had not been for You Standing on my side
Where would I be?

I'm still standing
I'm still standing
I'm still standing
But by the grace of God

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

Who Am I

2010-03-31T09:35:00.001+03:00

My Father,

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD, you have also spoken about my future. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD?

"What more can Wanjiru say to you? For you know your friend, O Sovereign LORD. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your friend.

"How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as I have heard with my own ears. And who is like your people —the body of believers on earth that God goes out to redeem as a people for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out their enemies and redeeming them from a worthless life? You have established your people as your very own forever, and you, O LORD, have become their God.

"And now, LORD God, keep forever the promise you made concerning my future. Do as you promised so that your name will be great forever. Then men will say, 'The LORD Almighty is God over Wanjiru!' And the life of your servant Wanjiru will be established before you.

"O LORD Almighty, God of today, you have revealed this to your servant, saying, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. So your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. Now be pleased to bless the life of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign LORD, have spoken, and with your blessing the life of your servant will be blessed forever."

Amen.

My rendition of David’s Prayer, 2 Samuel 7: 18 – 27…you can pray it for you too…

Holding Me...

2010-03-25T08:44:00.002+03:00

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

By Casting Crowns - Album : The Altar & the Door.

Foolish Thoughts

2010-03-20T10:00:00.007+03:00

When you next get the temptation to do things your way instead of waiting on God/ following His instructions, remember this passage.

1 Samuel 13

² Saul chose three thousand men from Israel; two thousand were with him atMicmash and in the hill country of Bethel, and a thousand were withJonathan at Gibeah in Benjamin. The rest of the men he sent back totheir homes.

³Jonathan attacked the Philistine outpost at Geba, and the Philistinesheard about it. Then Saul had the trumpet blown throughout the land andsaid, "Let the Hebrews hear!" ⁴So all Israel heard the news: "Saul has attacked the Philistineoutpost, and now Israel has become a stench to the Philistines." Andthe people were summoned to join Saul at Gilgal.

⁵ The Philistines assembled to fight Israel, with three thousand chariots, six thousand charioteers, and soldiers as numerous as thesand on the seashore. They went up and camped at Micmash, east of BethAven. ⁶ When the men ofIsrael saw that their situation was critical and that their army washard pressed, they hid in caves and thickets, among the rocks, and inpits and cisterns. ⁷ Some Hebrews even crossed the Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead.
Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking with fear. ⁸ He waited seven days, the time set by Samuel; but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul's men began to scatter. ⁹ So he said, "Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings. " And Saul offered up the burnt offering. ¹⁰ Just as he finished making the offering, Samuel arrived, and Saul went out to greet him.

¹¹ "What have you done?" asked Samuel.
Saulreplied, "When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did notcome at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling atMicmash, ¹² I thought,'Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I havenot sought the LORD's favor.' So I felt compelled to offer the burntoffering."

¹³"You acted foolishly," Samuel said. "You have not kept the command theLORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established yourkingdom over Israel for all time. ¹⁴But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a manafter his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because youhave not kept the LORD's command."

Call Me Victoria

2010-03-18T13:30:00.008+03:00

I try to journal...though am not too disciplined at it...my blog ...well, sometimes serves as my journal...so looking back at my previous posts......I must recount .....my victorian (sp) moments...

1. Fragrant Spirit of Life - after watching/ posting the clip on Sam & Esther's life, I knew that I had to reach out and help vulnerable kids in my community...and I took on John, an orphan from Good Samaritan Orphanage...to see him through school, ...he is the kid carrying the school bag in Envisioned , I enrolled him into a private academy, he sits for his primary school finals this year, wants to be an engineer and his dream high school is Mang'u High. I hope to support him to his furthest education pursuits...and hopefully, also take on his brother and Shiku, kids who've also gripped my heart from the Orphanage.

2. My Night Song - My heart was so heavy when I sang this, my heart's lyrics to God for Miko. Miko has been my friend since we were teenagers...and I have so longed that he'd taste and see how good the committed life to God is...for the past three Sundays, Miko has faithfully attended church service...but greater than attending, his taking time to relate with God!

3. Of Nervous Speeches - Results just in..and (drumroll)...I scored an......A!!!!

4. Third photo on the left of this post Envisioned...well, I floored my long flowing hair for nutty locs.

5. I consider Looking Back Over My Shoulder and Lets Kiss and Say Goodbye waters gone by.

6. Tribute to Mama Shiru We miss her sooo...her girls have turned out so beautiful!

Forgotten? Never !

2010-03-15T08:47:00.006+03:00

This is for all you out there who feel like God's forgotten you...maybe even forsaken.......

...Theme song at my church yesterday was by Israel Houghton & the New Breed...

Pray the tempo of the song lifts you to greater heights this week.

You are never forgotten.

Tired Ramblings

2010-03-08T15:03:00.013+03:00

Light of my life, where are you?
Spring of my step, why do you hide?

You are bent over!
Lift up your eyes!
Look up, straighten your feeble knees and hands

I say...

My back cracks when I rise
My eyes sting, glaring up
My knees tremble... for what is their strength?
My hands lazy to my waist
Will you ask me to run again?

Where is mercy?
Bide me not race again
Sit me in rest awhile.

Me.

Worship at its Best!

2010-03-02T13:26:00.004+03:00

This month has definitely began well...with lots of songs that I needed to share as their words really bring meaning to life. Today, though, I decided to search for the two songs that express best my gratitude to God for his place in my life.

The first, " I'll never be the same again" - my life has irreversibly been changed since I knew Christ. The second, " Kama sio wewe" - Swahili for "If it were not for you (God )"... simply stating, that be not for God's mercy and grace upon my life - I don't know where I'd be - best guess would be "dead".

Mercy, Nico and Billy are Kenyan gospel artistes.

A sacrifice of praise

2010-03-01T13:36:00.004+03:00

Lord I lift a song of worship
For Your glory and Your grace
Let my heart reveal all my words fail to say
Lord receive this sacrifice of praise

On the mountain in the valley
As I wait in my secret place
I will trust trust in the name of the Lord
Now receive this sacrifice of praise
Now receive this sacrifice of praise

You're my shield You're my shelter
From the storm and from the rain
Cover me beneath the shadow of Your wings
Lord receive this sacrifice of praise

Hallelujah hallelujah
Hallelujah to Your name
For all You've done
You are and evermore will be
Lord receive this sacrifice of praise
Lord receive this sacrifice of praise
Lord receive this sacrifice of praise

Of praise
Of praise----