Between a Hard Rock!

Lord Help Me!


My White Frock

Yesterday morning, you dressed me in a white, crisp - well pressed long flowing frock..... 

I leaped into the day....clean...fresh.....
Through the day, I passed through different terrain
Some smooth, some rough,
Trimmed paths, overgrown paths
Green lawns, paddles here and there
I returned home, in the evening.....
Dressed in a crumbled long flowing muddled frock
Returned to you, not as clean and fresh
I had fallen....stained my garments
And wasn't smelling too good

I approached you embarrassed
If only I had watched my steps
more closely.....
Spoken more softly....
Been more patient....
Been stricter on my thoughts
Been more loving in treating those who shared my day...
If only I had been more selfless.....
My stains would not glare as much

You called me to your side
I was afraid of reproach
What happened? You asked...
I bowed and explained....
You pointed to Him...
Asked Him to give me a bath....
He changed my clothes too
I returned to you
In a white, crisp, well pressed long flowing frock
You lifted me into your bossom
And there comforted me to sleep

"There is a fountain filled with blood...
Drawn from Emmanuel's veins
And sinners plunge beneath that flood
and lose all their guilty stains".

And as I awoke this morning
you sent me out saying....
"My mercy is new every morning
Go out, and stain less!"


Still on the Yet.

Psalms 43 : My read this morning, words that comfort my soul, a reminder that I will YET praise the Lord, for I have placed my hope in HIM, and my expectation shall not be cut out.

The Treasury of David Commentary that best expresses my heart.

Vs. 1 "Judge me, O God." Others are unable to understand my motives, and unwilling to give me a just verdict. My heart is clear as to its intent, and therefore I bring my case before thee, content that thou wilt impartially weigh my character, and right my wrongs. If thou wilt judge, thy acceptance of my conduct will be enough for me; I can laugh at human misrepresentation if my conscience knows that thou art on my side; thou art the only one I care for; and besides, thy verdict will not sleep, but thou wilt see practical justice done to thy slandered servant.

Vs. 2 "Thou art the God of my strength." All my strength belongs to thee - I will not, therefore, use it on my own behalf against my personal foes. All my strength comes from thee, I therefore seek help from thee, who art able to bestow it. All my strength is in thee. I leave therefore this task of combating my foes entirely in thy hands. Faith which leaves such things alone is wise faith.

Vs 3. "O send out thy light and thy truth." The joy of thy presence and the faithfulness of thy heart; let both of these be manifest to me. Reveal my true character by thy light, and reward me according to thy truthful promise. As the sun darts forth his beams, so does the Lord send forth his favour and his faithfulness towards all his people; and as all nature rejoices in the sunshine, even so the saints triumph in the manifestation of the love and fidelity of their God, which, like the golden sunbeam, lights up even the darkest surroundings with delightful splendour.

"Let them lead me." Be these my star to guide me to my rest. Be these my Alpine guides to conduct me over mountains and precipices to the abodes of grace. "Let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles." First in thy mercy bring me to thine earthly courts, and end my weary exile, and then in due time admit me to thy celestial palace above. We seek not light to sin by, nor truth to be exalted by it, but that they may become our practical guides to the nearest communion with God: only such light and truth as are sent us from God will do this, common light is not strong enough to show the road to heaven, nor will mere moral or physical truths assist to the holy hill; but the light of the Holy Spirit, and the truth as it is in Jesus, these are elevating, sanctifying, perfecting; and hence their virtue in leading us to the glorious presence of God.


Be Strong in the Lord


Out of Debt

I got into debt sometime last year, needed to make a certain good buy and since I didn't have enough money to cover the purchase price, I took out a loan at a hefty 19.25% pa rate.

Later, I calculated the amount of interest that would accrue over the debt period...and almost fell into depression! Too much for my liking! So I sought ways to make additional payments to reduce the debt period....but then recession hit and everything became mad expensive.

This so distrubed me, I brought it to God in prayer, and specifically prayed that He would help me pay the debt in a year's time instead of five years....through a pay raise!  :-), well ....the pay raise did come but was absorbed by inflation :-(

May this year marked the close of the year period in which I had hoped to clear the debt....but nothing had changed! I had four more years to go and this issue escalated to one of my top three prayer items....and constantly asked God for mercy and provide a way out.....

This month, He has!!! Halleluya!!! A change in employment, means a handsome amount is coming my way....which is sufficient after God's 10%, to repay the debt in full....and hmmmh, leave a handy bonus!!!.

I am so grateful  to God....only He knows what a relief this is to my mind! I hate debt....I flee from it....and many are the lessons I have learnt about debt in the last 19 months!

Lord, thank you, for your mercy and for "feeling me".....and taking this yoke away, a heavy yoke indeed....and for the intricate way in which work affairs have played out to make this possible.

Am am so very very thankful. The only debt I have now - is to love mankind.


My Soul Satisfier

Yesterday...late afternoon, my soul was perturbed, I got news that sent me into panic. Circa half an hour later of churning this info, I decided...I wasn't checking myself into the fear cage and would instead stand boldly and position myself for victory.

At night in prayer, I confessed to God that though not fearful, I was anxious and restless... and poured my soul to Him....breaking down my sincere desires and expectations....for this situation.

He guided me into three blocks of scripture;

Psalms 63 :
"O God, you are my God,
      and I long for you.
   My whole being desires you;
      like a dry, worn-out, and waterless land,
      my soul is thirsty for you.
 2 Let me see you in the sanctuary;
      let me see how mighty and glorious you are.
 3 Your constant love is better than life itself,
      and so I will praise you.
 4 I will give you thanks as long as I live;
      I will raise my hands to you in prayer.
 5 My soul will feast and be satisfied,
      and I will sing glad songs of praise to you".

The words, "my soul will feast and be satisfied"....gave me assurance that the thirst that I have to see God's power at work in my life....will be quenched....and my needs will be met.

Psalms 91:
"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety,
      whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty,

 2 can say to him,
      You are my defender and protector.
      You are my God; in you I trust.  
 3 He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers
      and from all deadly diseases.
 4 He will cover you with his wings;
      you will be safe in his care;
      his faithfulness will protect and defend you.

 5 You need not fear any dangers at night
      or sudden attacks during the day
    6 or the plagues that strike in the dark
      or the evils that kill in daylight".

The words in "bold" speak for themselves - was assured of God's protection!

Psalms 32 :
"6 So all your loyal people should pray to you in times of need;
      when a great flood of trouble comes rushing in,
      it will not reach them.
 7 You are my hiding place;
      you will save me from trouble.
   I sing aloud of your salvation,
      because you protect me".

This last passage took all my anxious thoughts away! I lay to sleep with the assurance that God has my back in times of need and  He alone satisfies my soul.

This morning, I awoke to peace! 

Thank You Lord.


Joyous thanks........

"A joyful heart
Is good medicine
But a broken spirit
Dries up the bones
A joyful heart
Is good medicine for you".
(Song based on Proverbs 17:22)

A joyful heart radiates from a grateful heart...and I choose to be joyful and grateful today :-)

"Its is good, it is good to give thanks to the Lord on high
To sing of your faithfulness and loving kindness both day and night
To play on our instruments sweet songs for the things you do
It is good, it is good to give to praise to You.

Why give Him praise....because He is worthy
Why should we sing.....He loves you and me
Why give Him thanks....because He forgave us
Why celebrate.....because we are free
And when should we thank Him....from morning till evening
In what circumstance....the good and the bad
Is it always easy...its not always easy
But it is good.....Yes it is good.... its is gooooooooood.......

Its is good, it is good to give thanks to You
Its is good, it is good to give thanks to the Lord on high".
(Song by Ron Kenoly)

I thank you Lord, for everything because......

"Every good thing I have done
Everything I've become
Everything that's turned out right
Is because you're in my life 
And if I ever teach a child the way
Ever learn myself to change
Ever become who I want to be
Its not the I but the You in me"...
(Not the I but You in me - by Anointed)



There are days, days like today when I find life dull…like the grey skies staring back at me. My knees feel weak, my back curves in….my eyes lose their shine, my lips curve inwards. I sigh!

Some trials are just so depleting!

This is hard Lord …its really hard facing these same issues each day…..and my strength fails me……

When Lord, will you come? And bring my misery to an end? When will my night end and morning come? When will I celebrate? When will I find rest and lay these yokes aside?

In your strength, has been my ability to stand this far….from time to time, I slip and fall… dust me and help me up again and steady my steps….but how much longer do I need to walk…..when and where does the road end….how far is the ribbon I must cut through to my victory?

This is hard Lord, and I beseech you, take this suffering away……


10,000 gold for 100 silver

A parable is told in the bible about a certain servant - lets call him "Big O"... who owed a king a large sum of money - 10,000 bags of gold - a bag of gold was equivalent to 20 years of a day labourer's wages - so if we do the math, 1 bag of gold = 365 multiplied by 20 years = 7300 days wage, if we multiply that with 10,000 bags = 73,000,000 days wage of debt (sigh! big big sigh here!!!). The king summoned "Big O"...and asked for his money back....."Big O" fell on his knees and begged the King for mercy and patience...promising he would back everything...the King was overcome with mercy and wrote off his debt! for real....cancelled all the damn zero's!!!!....and numbers before!!!....and let him go - all ye banks if only you could be as merciful....!!!

"Big O"....(big big relieve and joy here!! add a shout, dance and glee!!).....leaves the king's presence and meets his servant, lets call him "small o" who owes him 100 silver coins -which is the equivalent of 100 days wage of debt. (Mathematicians can by this, figure out that the daily wage was 1 silver coin). "Big O" demands his money from "small o"...but "small o"...pleads for mercy and patience and asks for time and he will repay the debt in full....but nooooooooooooo!!! "Big O" could not hear of it, choked the poor fellow and threw him into prison until he repayed his debt. (how sad!!)

For the longest while....well until yesterday....I totally disliked "Big O"...and thought what wicked a man he was...I mean, crude and merciless could he have been...(eerie drums)....until the stage light was shone on me...and I realised I was busy removing a speck in "Big O's" eye when I had a log in mine....

The baseline in this parable is the issue of forgiveness...Big O was forgiven much but he did not forgive little.

I am a receipient of God's grace, He has forgiven me so much....the debt I owed Him from my sinful life...I could not was in inumerable "Big O" debt was cancelled in full...God forgave me when I confessed my sins and Jesus washed me by His blood...and...I am free!!

But..........down the road, I often meet family, friends and even strangers who wrong me.....and owe me.....and what am I often guilty of doing???? strangling them...choking them....(ok..not physically)....but I give them the silent treatment, others I threaten them with withdrawal of what they need....hold short, I hit back....and for what??? 100 pieces of silver when ave been forgiven 10000 bags of gold???!!!

Yesterday, I learnt a big lesson.........God has forgiven me all my sins....why can't I forgive the ones who have wronged me and owe me little??? I am not sweating the small stuff no more.....the sad thing about this parable is that, fellow servants that worked with "Big O" to see how he treated "small o" and reported the matter to the King....The king was furious with "Big O"...and o - o - oh - OH.....he threw "Big O" into jail to be tortured until he had paid the 10000 bags of short, got a life sentence because 73,000,000 days of wage...means even in death, you still in debt until you are dust again!!!

Lingering in unforgiveness is serving time in jail....self imposed jail....many of us are walking with cancers in our souls because we have been merciless and refused to forgive little.

Is this you? Let it go - forgive, its never worth it. We shouldn't have to sell your dust.

Reference : Matthew 18 : 21 - 35


Strong Deliverer

Guide me O Thou great Jehovah, pilgrim thro' this barren land;
I am weak, but Thou are mighty, hold me with Thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more,
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain, whence the healing waters flow;
let the fiery, cloudy pillar lead me all my journey thro';
Strong Deliverer, be Thou still my strength and shield,
Strong Deliverer, be Thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan, bid, my anxious fears subside;
bear me thro' the swelling current, land me safe on Canaan's side;
songs of praises I will ever give to Thee;
songs of praises I will ever give to Thee.


In Christ Alone

(On bended knees) - thankyou Jesus, for all you've been and continually are....and for reminding me this morning of my place in you ((hugs)).


Deep Calls unto Deep

I have always wanted to bring meaning to "deep calls unto deep"...David in Psalms 42 in a low mood wrote;

"6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me."

My daily devotion broke light.......

“They saw the works of the Lord, His wonderful deeds in the deep”

(Psalm 107:24, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria Osteen

The scripture says is Psalm 107:23, “They that go down to the sea and do business in deep waters, they will see the wonders of God.” Friend, you and I were created to do business in deep waters. In other words, we’re not supposed to have little dreams or little plans. We are supposed to have big dreams. We are supposed to go out into the deep things God has for us. But understand, when you’re out there in the deep waters, you can’t touch the ground. You can’t see the shoreline, and at times, it can get a little rocky. You may not always see how things are going to work out. But, the scripture tells us that deep calls to deep. In other words, God is the one who has called you to the deep waters. He is with you, and He knows there are deep things on the inside of you. When you are in those deep waters, you are not alone. God is with you, and He’s causing those deep things inside of you to come forth.

If you feel like you are out in the deep today, if you feel like you are overwhelmed, remember, you are in the right place and God is with you. You will see His wonderful deeds in the deep, and you will fulfill the destiny He has in store for you.


Never would have....


On the Fourth

This morning as I took a shower, I thought about the story of Lazarus, he was sick and his sisters sent a message to Jesus to come - their hope that He would heal their brother - but Jesus was four days late..... 


There is a dream I have had for quite a while now, had hoped to achieve it in the last four years but nothing has come of it....Today I re- raised the "lateness" concern with God and was reminded of 2nd Peter 3:8 , "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." 


Four years look like a lifetime to me...but to God, its really not a big deal.....when I apply the later part of that verse.

See, Jesus had healed others before Lazarus, it was a power that was already known....but why did he come even after he was told Lazarus had died - been embalmed - decomposing?! I suggest that Jesus wanted to reveal to us the profound power in God to call dead things to life. And He did, Jesus called Lazarus out of the dead and into life and restore him to his sisters!! 


This breathed hope into my four year dead dream....

On arrival at work, I read Psalms 92,...verse 14 stuck out like a sore thumb! ..assured me that my aged dreams will come to fruition and my energies will be up to speed - the key though - righteousness - verse 12.

My cheer : God is able to breathe life into your/my defragmented, decomposing, embalmed, dead dreams and these are able to bear fruit even in your/my "old age" long as we/I continually seek to be in right standing with God. 


Psalm 92

A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day.

1 It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
2 proclaiming your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
3 to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
4 For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD;
I sing for joy at what your hands have done.
5 How great are your works, LORD,
how profound your thoughts!
6 Senseless people do not know,
fools do not understand,
7 that though the wicked spring up like grass
and all evildoers flourish,
they will be destroyed forever.
8 But you, LORD, are forever exalted.
9 For surely your enemies, LORD,
surely your enemies will perish;
all evildoers will be scattered.
10 You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox;
fine oils have been poured on me.
11 My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries;
my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes.
12 The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
13 planted in the house of the LORD,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,

15 proclaiming, “The LORD is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”


My chains are gone

I listen to this every morning at 6am - my alarm tone. Reminds me every morning what a wonderful gift God gives us each morning we find life....the chance to know His love for us, love expressed through Jesus, who came and set us free from the bondage of sin.

Today - I rejoice that my chains are gone - I have been set free, my God and Saviour has ransomed me - and its great to be alive!



“ This is a song …ta rat a ra
This is a song um uhm um
About the love of the Lord to me…
Agape Ooooh Lord  agape…

…the above, a song written back in my campus days by a friend called Makusa and his friend OJ….we were part of a group called Campus Effect that held yearly drama concerts to spread the love of Christ… this morning…the third line is on auto play on my mind stereo…… reminds me of;

Jeremiah 31: 3 – God says:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
   I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Yesterday evening, the nursery rhyme…

“…Don’t be a doubting Thomas…
just lean upon His promise…
why worry, why worry …
when you can praaayyyyy”

was last on mind playlist….before calling it a day…..slept with these words;

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Just glanced at my monitor board….there is this yellow stick- it with this song…

“I know I can do all things
I can do all things through Christ
With the power of God and the word of life
I can do all things
I can do all things through Christ”

Philippians 4: 12 – 13

12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Receive God’s Love today,
Have Faith that He has good plans for your life
 and keep your Hope alive for a better future
– the greatest of these is Love.


These Shadows, Lord.......

Lord - I so need you to fight against the enemies of my mind, my heart and body. I have trusted in you since my youth to the point of lunacy...and there was a time - I kept falling by your word that said - I would not suffer shame...I held onto now surrounded by shadows that mock me.....and ask me "where is your God?"...and I find myself asking..."Where are you my God?"....Blast your light on these vipers and vanquish them - am so terrorized Lord - aka, please....Arise and SAVE ME!


With this day....

There are many things I'd say....or have already said since the day is a little more..., Lord. Thank you for my life - it all begins here...another day to wait and see what you have in store. It must be real hard work to plan each day for every person on earth....given that, everyone awakes to the hope that each new day would bring good stuff with included. I am looking out of the window...and the sky is all grey....the trees are so still....there is a cold breeze swaying my window flutters, cars driving in and out....a man wearing his overalls........monday....stillness....I hear the hum of the generator, the unco-ordinated chirps of birds...maybe a glad song for the gift of an early, Lord I wonder, beyond the greyness and the silence of this morning, what will mid - morning bring me? what will noon announce ? what will afternoon display ? evening - rejoice in? and night- be thankful for?

I have but one plea - let this be the day you open the floodgates of heaven and pour out your blessings on those whose hearts have reallly really waited on you....who are looking to this day with eagerness and hope that this will be their day of breakthrough. Include me here. Amen.


I am thankful....

...for fascinated by them....and the things you can do with them.

for music...and how different genres invade different sections of my mind provoking different thrills.

....for books...they allow me to have a fling with each I read.

for fruits....bread, chocolate and eternally grateful God - you know how these rub me.

...for laughter ..the good belly one....on private humor - which only my mind gets.

for sleep....especially when my mind is cognizant that its asleep!.

....for eyes...once in a while, mine have the power to penetrate facades.

for silence....and the number of voices that became audible in stillness.

...for stars....on a dark country side sky...I forget about earth.

For Jesus - my fierce-est influence!.


Seventy Years.........

On Saturday, I got the grand opportunity to attend a christian youth meeting organized by a close friend of mine who has a deep calling to share Christ with the younger generation.

The room's capacity was probably a mere 50pax ....but it must have held 60+ pax....and tho' a bit squoooshed the room was vibrant...lots of electric energy...flowing from the youth who were on a Christ high. There is just an awesomeness when youngsters praise God and are so expectant to hear from God...the atmosphere was so ridden with slice-able hope and faith!!.... My pal spoke from the below passage...and here is my take home (in brackets).

Jeremiah 29 : 4-6 “The Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those people whom he allowed Nebuchadnezzar to take away as prisoners from Jerusalem to Babylonia. Build houses and settle down. Plant gardens and eat what you grow in them. Marry and have children. Then let your children get married, so that they also may have children. You must increase in numbers and not decrease.( My life should continually be on the increase even in times of hardship - growing in the spiritual, physical, social arenas etc etc)
vs 7; Work for the good of the cities where I have made you go as prisoners. Pray to me on their behalf, because if they are prosperous, you will be prosperous too. (for my workplace).

vs 8-9; I, the Lord, the God of Israel, warn you not to let yourselves be deceived by the prophets who live among you or by any others who claim they can predict the future. Do not pay any attention to their dreams. They are telling you lies in my name. I did not send them. I, the Lord Almighty, have spoken.’ (Enough said)

vs 10 -14 ; “The Lord says, ‘When Babylonia's seventy years are over, I will show my concern for you and keep my promise to bring you back home. (words that stood out - when 70 years are over!! that called for major perseverance on the Israelis part!
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. ( For a person who likes organization, its really grand to know my life was forethought and not aimlessly trudging along this earth - that the very desires that shape my decisions, my life,.. were inbuilt at conception and am mapped!)  

Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart. (all of my heart - this is an attitude I so so desire to have)  
Yes, I say, you will find me, and I will restore you to your land. I will gather you from every country and from every place to which I have scattered you, and I will bring you back to the land from which I had sent you away into exile. I, the Lord, have spoken."


For Yet....

Lord, you befit praise.
You and praise go hand in hand
For you are good beyond measure
And for such, words fall short
This day I have known you
To be God who listens,
And God who answers,
God who sees and God who knows
Today I have known you to be God who’s apt to reply
I have known what it is to receive from you while still asking
I have known that you are in touch with reality, you know exactly where am at.
You have affirmed my heart with these words,
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.”
Before the yet, and in the now;
I praise you!


I heard….

I heard God…heard Him on radio….in songs that played…songs that played while my mind questioned certain occurrences, and in them lay words, words that broke my thoughts.

I heard God….heard Him as I watched the movie, “Conversations with God”….for in it two things were said….one, if God were to fit in 5 words, they would be, “You got me all wrong”! And I sure had gotten God wrong on His silence…..two, “ If you ever have a question for God, its answer will be found in asking yourself, “what would love do?”, and therein God will always be found.

I heard God….heard God as I held a baby, deserted by his mother at birth…a boy so handsome, so still and calm in my arms….a woman dear to my heart, had opened her home and heart and had nurtured him from minutes old to his now five months. I heard God ask, “Can a mother desert the baby on her breast? And even if she does, I will not desert you….” (Isaiah 49:15)

I heard God…heard Him in the synchronized heartbeats of my friends, hearts that drummed in tune with God’s heart as we spent time with those whom He cares for deeply.

I heard God….heard God as I looked into the eyes of a 5 year old…a boy who gripped my heart the very first time I saw him….I heard God as I hugged him and stroked his neck…telling him what a beautiful child he was….and him taking in those words and smiling in a way that brought sunshine into my heart….!

I heard God….heard God as I hugged him…him who tags my heart…. because of the wonder of the timeliness of some conversations with him…..the unconscious smiles….the way I miss him sometimes…I heard God smile in a hug… 

I heard God as I listened to the lady in my previous post….a lady who like Paul had learnt how to be content in God’s purpose for her life. That whether life happened her way or not….she’d keep on God’s path. I heard God say, “Stay on the path”.

I heard God…through His word…say that my salvation and honor depend on Him….that my soul should depend on Him….for everything…I heard this, more than once….

I heard God say that He is never removed from me….I just got Him wrong….He never gives the silent treatment….and when He said, “when you search for me….you will find me,”…He meant it.

I heard from God.


Of Prayer, Sea and Quietness

My pastor referring to Daniel praying towards Jerusalem explained that facing Jerusalem should be symbolism of facing the memoirs of God’s faithfulness in the past so that our attitude is that of approaching a God who is able and willing to help in whatever we are presenting to Him. This post hopefully, will serve one day, as the window through which my faith will be lifted to God in prayer, as a memoir.

He (the pastor) at the end of the service called for an altar call for those who’d like to “up” their prayer life, I walked to the altar and lifted my hands to God. Isaiah 40 is the prayer I muttered for I found myself a youth who’d grown weary and faint, and God had promised to renew such as me….

See, as the pastor was preaching, a picture of my current prayer life came to mind….it likened to the sea....... saying my prayers, sometimes, is smooth and the aftermath - refreshing as a calm sea….other times, I feel like am caught up in high tides and between furious waves…times when all I can say is…"Jesus, please calm these waves!". Times when my heart's uproar is so loud and I get overwhelmed by the swirl of needs around me.

Lately, both sea experiences have been followed by silence.

I fear when God gets silent, I really do….and He has been for quite a while now….on specific areas…and I've searched my mind over and over again to see where I may have gone wrong. One reason God goes silent is the presence of sin….strange, just last evening, I tuned to a Christian TV station and the MOG was preaching on this topic….and I thought, Lord is it my sin?...and like David prayed, search my heart Lord, and reveal my wicked ways….but nothing…I thought of Job, when God withdrew from him, he also tried to figure out how he may have wronged God…..and his friends convinced him he had sinned but Job could not see how he had erred! That’s where I am…am not saying am sinless, far from it…I do err.… but when I do, I always run in repentance and seek forgiveness at least each day if not many times in that day and I believe He forgives me and remembers it no more… By His grace, I try hard to live on the straight and narrow....

Why is God silent??

I do not understand this quietness and it so disturbs me.

Protection is really key in my relationship with God….Psalms 91 is my life scripture…so when my safety is compromised, my alert goes up! In this silence gap….I got into an accident, I was at fault….luckily the damage was minor….but I was alarmed….am a really cautious driver, how did I exit a junction without looking for oncoming traffic??! Where was my mind??! Then I remembered a conversation I had a few minutes prior with a friend…we had just left a church service and I had confessed to her that I had struggled coming to church because I knew who was preaching and I did not “feel” the preacher!

After the accident, I remembered the scripture where God warns us not to do any harm to his prophets and I wondered if this was “a warning against touching His anointed”...(my comment had the potential to affect my friend “feeling’ the preacher – tho’ I know she likes the preacher, * this was not my intention*)…and then over the weekend, my neighbor is carjacked and the reckless jacker rums into my car as he exits and my weekend is spent in the garage making repairs….and I can’t help thinking….Lord, why is the devil getting into my business??!! Interesting thing is, my mechanic discovered two unrelated anomalies …that would have presented big problems later…so this is where the scripture that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord…..applies - (((I tell ya! no matter what, God always wins..yeah!!)))

I wonder if there is any correlation between the accidents and the silence.......I wonder if am in a Job phase…where God has allowed the devil to rough my life….I wonder if God's silence, is because my ears have been stooped with sin.. and if so, where am I erring?....I wonder why you are quiet Lord…..How I pray that You would reassure me Your presence and show me the error of my ways and restore to me the joy of communion with You.

I long for You!

My pastor had a really thought provoking saying in his sermon: “Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare wheel?”

P.S – Lord, am also forgetting stuff that should otherwise be top priority – church events, studies, family and friend commitments….please help on this too…and thank you, its my Birthday today and am glad I've lived this long and for the far we have come!


This is Why....

Because I go to the Lord for safety, I have and remain under the protection of the Almighty. I can say of God and to Him, “You have been and are my defender and protector, You are my God; in You I trust.” You have kept me safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases- and you continue to do this daily.
You cover me with your wings; I am safe in Your care.Your faithfulness protects and defends me, and because of this, I do not need to fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight. A thousand may fall dead beside me, ten thousand all round me, but I will not be harmed. I will look and see how the wicked are punished. My past testifies of this, and my future lies in trust of your unchanging faithfulness.

My faith statement: I have made the Lord my defender, the Most High my protector,and so no disaster will strike me, no violence will come near my home. For God will put His angels in charge of me to protect me wherever I go.They will hold me up with their hands to keep me from hurting my feet on the stones. I will trample down lions and snakes, fierce lions and poisonous snakes.

God says, “I will save those who love me and will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord.When they call to me, I will answer them; when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honour them. I will reward them with long life; I will save them.”


Its a Process!

Psalms 65. My early morning read. My take out : Life can be liken to a field - God being the farmer. Verses 9 & 10 describe God's " "action-ed process" in bringing His land to yield...i.e caring for the land....watering it....drenching furrows... leveling ridges...softening the ground...blessing the crop... and.... the result of it all...."crowned bounty evidenced by overflowed carts!". 

I believe the same principle applies when we surrender our life to God. God prepares us for fruitfulness, it is a process of drenching , leveling and softening our soils - souls, sowing His word, watering  it, and blessing us into overflowing fruitfulness!

Key word here is process. It takes time, but you can be certain of the result - a crowned bounty!
Psalms 65.  

Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion;
   to you our vows will be fulfilled.
2 You who answer prayer,
   to you all people will come.
3 When we were overwhelmed by sins,
   you forgave our transgressions.
4 Blessed are those you choose
   and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
   of your holy temple.
 5 You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
   God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
   and of the farthest seas,
6 who formed the mountains by your power,
   having armed yourself with strength,
7 who stilled the roaring of the seas,
   the roaring of their waves,
   and the turmoil of the nations.
8 The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
   where morning dawns, where evening fades,
   you call forth songs of joy.
  9 You care for the land and water it;
   you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
   to provide the people with grain,
   for so you have ordained it.
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
   you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
   and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
   the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
   and the valleys are mantled with grain;
   they shout for joy and sing.



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