For Yet....

Lord, you befit praise.
You and praise go hand in hand
For you are good beyond measure
And for such, words fall short
This day I have known you
To be God who listens,
And God who answers,
God who sees and God who knows
Today I have known you to be God who’s apt to reply
I have known what it is to receive from you while still asking
I have known that you are in touch with reality, you know exactly where am at.
You have affirmed my heart with these words,
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.”
Before the yet, and in the now;
I praise you!


I heard….

I heard God…heard Him on radio….in songs that played…songs that played while my mind questioned certain occurrences, and in them lay words, words that broke my thoughts.

I heard God….heard Him as I watched the movie, “Conversations with God”….for in it two things were said….one, if God were to fit in 5 words, they would be, “You got me all wrong”! And I sure had gotten God wrong on His silence…..two, “ If you ever have a question for God, its answer will be found in asking yourself, “what would love do?”, and therein God will always be found.

I heard God….heard God as I held a baby, deserted by his mother at birth…a boy so handsome, so still and calm in my arms….a woman dear to my heart, had opened her home and heart and had nurtured him from minutes old to his now five months. I heard God ask, “Can a mother desert the baby on her breast? And even if she does, I will not desert you….” (Isaiah 49:15)

I heard God…heard Him in the synchronized heartbeats of my friends, hearts that drummed in tune with God’s heart as we spent time with those whom He cares for deeply.

I heard God….heard God as I looked into the eyes of a 5 year old…a boy who gripped my heart the very first time I saw him….I heard God as I hugged him and stroked his neck…telling him what a beautiful child he was….and him taking in those words and smiling in a way that brought sunshine into my heart….!

I heard God….heard God as I hugged him…him who tags my heart…. because of the wonder of the timeliness of some conversations with him…..the unconscious smiles….the way I miss him sometimes…I heard God smile in a hug… 

I heard God as I listened to the lady in my previous post….a lady who like Paul had learnt how to be content in God’s purpose for her life. That whether life happened her way or not….she’d keep on God’s path. I heard God say, “Stay on the path”.

I heard God…through His word…say that my salvation and honor depend on Him….that my soul should depend on Him….for everything…I heard this, more than once….

I heard God say that He is never removed from me….I just got Him wrong….He never gives the silent treatment….and when He said, “when you search for me….you will find me,”…He meant it.

I heard from God.


Of Prayer, Sea and Quietness

My pastor referring to Daniel praying towards Jerusalem explained that facing Jerusalem should be symbolism of facing the memoirs of God’s faithfulness in the past so that our attitude is that of approaching a God who is able and willing to help in whatever we are presenting to Him. This post hopefully, will serve one day, as the window through which my faith will be lifted to God in prayer, as a memoir.

He (the pastor) at the end of the service called for an altar call for those who’d like to “up” their prayer life, I walked to the altar and lifted my hands to God. Isaiah 40 is the prayer I muttered for I found myself a youth who’d grown weary and faint, and God had promised to renew such as me….

See, as the pastor was preaching, a picture of my current prayer life came to mind….it likened to the sea....... saying my prayers, sometimes, is smooth and the aftermath - refreshing as a calm sea….other times, I feel like am caught up in high tides and between furious waves…times when all I can say is…"Jesus, please calm these waves!". Times when my heart's uproar is so loud and I get overwhelmed by the swirl of needs around me.

Lately, both sea experiences have been followed by silence.

I fear when God gets silent, I really do….and He has been for quite a while now….on specific areas…and I've searched my mind over and over again to see where I may have gone wrong. One reason God goes silent is the presence of sin….strange, just last evening, I tuned to a Christian TV station and the MOG was preaching on this topic….and I thought, Lord is it my sin?...and like David prayed, search my heart Lord, and reveal my wicked ways….but nothing…I thought of Job, when God withdrew from him, he also tried to figure out how he may have wronged God…..and his friends convinced him he had sinned but Job could not see how he had erred! That’s where I am…am not saying am sinless, far from it…I do err.… but when I do, I always run in repentance and seek forgiveness at least each day if not many times in that day and I believe He forgives me and remembers it no more… By His grace, I try hard to live on the straight and narrow....

Why is God silent??

I do not understand this quietness and it so disturbs me.

Protection is really key in my relationship with God….Psalms 91 is my life scripture…so when my safety is compromised, my alert goes up! In this silence gap….I got into an accident, I was at fault….luckily the damage was minor….but I was alarmed….am a really cautious driver, how did I exit a junction without looking for oncoming traffic??! Where was my mind??! Then I remembered a conversation I had a few minutes prior with a friend…we had just left a church service and I had confessed to her that I had struggled coming to church because I knew who was preaching and I did not “feel” the preacher!

After the accident, I remembered the scripture where God warns us not to do any harm to his prophets and I wondered if this was “a warning against touching His anointed”...(my comment had the potential to affect my friend “feeling’ the preacher – tho’ I know she likes the preacher, * this was not my intention*)…and then over the weekend, my neighbor is carjacked and the reckless jacker rums into my car as he exits and my weekend is spent in the garage making repairs….and I can’t help thinking….Lord, why is the devil getting into my business??!! Interesting thing is, my mechanic discovered two unrelated anomalies …that would have presented big problems later…so this is where the scripture that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord…..applies - (((I tell ya! no matter what, God always wins..yeah!!)))

I wonder if there is any correlation between the accidents and the silence.......I wonder if am in a Job phase…where God has allowed the devil to rough my life….I wonder if God's silence, is because my ears have been stooped with sin.. and if so, where am I erring?....I wonder why you are quiet Lord…..How I pray that You would reassure me Your presence and show me the error of my ways and restore to me the joy of communion with You.

I long for You!

My pastor had a really thought provoking saying in his sermon: “Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare wheel?”

P.S – Lord, am also forgetting stuff that should otherwise be top priority – church events, studies, family and friend commitments….please help on this too…and thank you, its my Birthday today and am glad I've lived this long and for the far we have come!



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